When I refer to you in this post, I’m referring to Danny.
I’ve asked the question before, “What would I do without you?” There are many things happening at the moment which send me back to asking the same question. Our lives are about to change in a big way and my body is going through changes that I haven’t experienced before. However, one thing remains, Danny is there throughout it all.
You’re always there for me no matter what
I’m a happy person but some days just like many people, I start to feel down. Sometimes I can’t even explain why. I suppose it’s normal but Danny doesn’t consider it an option. He thinks I always deserve to be happy. So, he does everything in his power to make that happen. Whether it be a hug, a smile, lying down with me holding me close, running me a bath etc. The list goes on and I am so grateful for all the gestures he gives and the time he devotes to me. No matter how his day has been, he makes us his priority.
We move forward together
Danny and I believe in sharing, opening up to one another, and experiencing life together, that includes the good and the hard times. We fight for what we believe is for us, we save together, we do things our way, and most of all, we aspire for bigger things but believe in order to reach those goals, it’s important to work hard and be committed. And as for our relationship, being committed to each other will always be the case. I support Danny and he supports me. Without it, we wouldn’t be where we are today.
You help to make our dreams come true
A stronger love each day, the best memory lane to wander back to, a house of our own to make our home, our son or daughter to enter the world and I’m your wife to be. We always look for the best in situations. Many times we have said, “This is the best”. When the actual truth is, it’s amazing for that time and place but it only gets better. I’m always amazed by you. The patient, loving, and understanding nature you have is a kind that could never be traded. Thank you for being you and for helping to build the life we have always wanted. As for the dream trip to New York together, we will get there on our honeymoon eh?
So, what would I do without you?
That’s a question I can’t answer fully because imagining life without you isn’t something I can picture. You are there in everything I do. Behind every smile and all the little things I do, it’s you. You join in with my silly random ways, or just sit and smile and call me your weirdo. There is nothing I want more in this world than to have you and to build a family of our own.
Danny always says his world would crumble without me. The fact we feel so strongly about that shows me that nothing we have should be taken for granted. Let’s keep building our lives together.
For many years, Danny and I have dreamed of having children one day. We haven’t been shy when talking about the subject, nor have we had conflicted options about how many and when. Throughout our relationship, we have talked about real feelings – including personal experiences, both happy and sad. We have grown to understand each other’s deepest insecurities, worries, upset, and we also visioned the things we see for our life together.
Our relationship isn’t a love story you see on TV or in the films, it’s ours, and that’s what makes us who we are. Our closeness is something that others can talk about but no-one knows how it feels other than us. Danny is the person who can light up any of my days no matter how bad it might have been. He is the one who holds me and reminds that it’s going to be okay. He is the one who on many occasions, I have looked out to the garden and imagined us with our child smiling and playing.
How do I put it all into words?
I don’t quite know how to describe it but I’ll try to explain it the best I can. The more I knew we wanted a child I began to take pregnancy tests whenever my periods were a little late. Now, this might sound daft as I have always been on contraception but I felt sad whenever the test revealed ‘not pregnant’. Due to some health issues and side effects, we decided the next move was to get the copper coil removed. This was a huge step in our lives to take and we knew it was our time to try.
Before I knew it, my period hadn’t arrived but we thought it could be another, “We will take a test and my period will arrive shortly afterwards! That particular weekend, I felt a little unwell. It was as if a migraine was attacking me in a way I hadn’t experienced for a couple of years. I didn’t think much of it and got some rest once I got home. Then there were other little things happening with my body which felt different. Being the eager person I am, I bought two pregnancy tests.
I can’t tell you how many tests I have done over the years. Both for ‘just checking’ reasons to ‘I wonder if we are pregnant’. On this day, I was staying calm and waited patiently. After a couple of minutes, something happened that I had never ever seen before. I looked towards the test and I seen 2 little pink lines. Am I… pregnant? I was in disbelief but couldn’t stop smiling. I had to tell myself to keep the hope aside and take another test for reassurance. And a few moments later, 2 pink lines again. I was amazed and couldn’t stop staring at both tests. My eyes began to water and I felt the warm, fuzzy feeling rushing through my body.
I took a deep breath and kept that glimmer of hope and I did another test, this time a Clearblue one. It didn’t take too long before the test digitally shown the word ‘pregnant’. Danny’s reaction was all part of the heartfelt moment too and he was the impatient one waiting for me to do another test. He immediately responded, “Seriously?!” with so much love and happiness in his voice, later to say, “I want to tell the world!”
We found out the amazing news in the very early weeks. This was one of the most special and standstill moments of our lives. Danny couldn’t stop smiling whenever he looked at me. I still keep looking at a little keepsake box we bought that have the tests inside.
Taking all of this in has been as still is, one of the most miraculous moments of our lives. No doubt, the rest of the journey will continue to feel this way. I think for me, the fact we are finally here had me feeling so emotional. Over the last 2 years, we have been through a lot, I have some health issues which Danny has supported me through. It turns out taking out all of the medications, having many appointments, and a procedure or two, and letting my body be its natural self, has given us one of life’s greatest gifts, a son or daughter who is growing inside me.
It didn’t take long for many symptoms to kick in which I won’t go into detail about but it’ll all be worth it for a our little bundle of joy who will enter the world in summer this year. I couldn’t ask for a more devoted and supportive partner by my side. My financé! I am going to have get used to saying that.
Everything is going well and baby is healthy. I have the best doctor and midwife looking after me. Everyone we have told has been so happy for us, even if most of our closest friends and relatives did cry.
The day of our baby’s first scan
Due to Covid, Danny wasn’t allowed to come to my NHS scan and this was really hard hitting, especially as it’s my first pregnancy. However, nothing was stopping us from experiencing the moment of seeing our baby together for the first time. We did some research and came across a place called private clinic called Window to the Womb in Salford. As soon as we read the reviews and I spoke to someone who had a friend that had been, our minds were made up. We emailed to be sure that I could bring Danny along. Once they confirmed I could, we went online and booked our appointment.
The day finally arrived. The scan appointment was later on in the day so we were counting down the hours. We kept ourselves busy throughout the day and before we knew it, the time had arrived. Once we got there and read some information, filled out some details etc. we were ready to go into the scan room. The sonographer was so lovely and made me feel relaxed. Everything went quiet, then a few seconds later, there was our baby on the big screen. The tears came strolling down my eyes, Danny squeezed my hand and we smiled together. This was one of the most surreal and magical moments. Ever since we got the video and photos, we can’t stop saying, that’s OUR baby.
For all of the years we have talked about and pictured starting a little family, it’s so special to see it all happening. Just a week later, a real little bump has appeared. The changes a woman experiences with her body is truly incredible. I am cherishing every moment and cannot wait to experience the rest of my pregnancy journey. Here’s to our little summer baby. We love you with all of our hearts.
In the midst of this Covid era, it’s nice to have the people you love close to you and it’s important to have things to look forward to. For what has a whirlwind of a year, 2020 has been somewhat different for us. We have enjoyed every minute of the extra time spent together. Mine and Danny’s love for each other has grown stronger than ever in a way I never could have imagined. Every day he brings more light into my life. And to my surprise, this light was only just beginning to shine.
On Christmas Day this year, things were certainly very special. Danny always brings experiences into my life which are magical but this one was different on our 8th Christmas together.
We went downstairs to open our presents. It was a quiet Christmas morning until the moment where I screamed as I opened a new pair of Stitch pyjamas. We had breakfast together, then get showered and got dressed.
Danny shouted up to me to tell me he forgot, there was another present downstairs for me. He said it was on the Christmas tree so he finally got me to go downstairs and over to the tree. I wondered, “What am I looking for?” so I turned to Danny quickly not knowing what I’m supposed to do with this bauble! He told me to look at it again, closer. Then I seen it. My heart started to beat faster and I slowly turned around to look at Danny, down on one knee! Glistening right at me was the most beautiful engagement ring. Our song was playing in the background and the candles were lit.
I see other people post about engagements and imagine what the feeling must be like. Then I stopped to think, “Wait, it’s happening to me.” as our memories of friendship over the years, and falling in love came flooding in. I smiled and cried some more. The moment in time froze and felt it like the world was ours. From two kids in primary school, to smiling as we passed each other in the college corridors, to being lifted in the air over puddles in the rain, to lots of adventures, to THIS.
By this point, I couldn’t take my eyes off Danny. He said some heartfelt words for a few minutes and before I knew it, he asked the question, “Will you marry me?”
“YES! YESSS!” I said very emotionally. We kissed and hugged each other so tightly. I couldn’t believe my eyes and the whole feeling. I never thought my heart could be any fuller.
Danny spoke to me all about how this had been planned for a very long time. His original plan was to propose to me in New York but Covid got in the way of that. Regardless, it couldn’t have been any more amazing than it was. Just me and him, in our own home, together. The moment was an absolute dream and I keep having to remind myself that it’s all very real.
I really do believe that we feel a kind of love that’s only for us to share. I remember being 19 years old when Danny asked me if I would ever marry him one day. Apparently he has known since then. Ahhh! The most wonderful man in my life, my best friend, has asked me to marry him! I cannot wait for the rest of our lives together.
My engagement ring has been sent to the workshop to be resized and won’t return for a few weeks but that’s okay because we have a lifetime together. I couldn’t ask for a more kind-hearted, generous, and handsome man to have by my side for the rest of my life. Here’s to nothing but positivity for 2021 and all of our years to come.
With everything that’s going on at the moment, there’s a lot of uncertainty about what happens next. It’s so easy to feel unmotivated or doubt many things right now. But it’s down to you and the perspective you have that makes a difference. There were so many things I was looking forward to in 2020, it was going to be the year.
June 2020 – New York
July 2020 – finally going to see Alicia Keys
Somewhere after that – buy a puppy (I’m a changed woman)
Never stop dreaming
You can wonder, it’s only natural to think things like… “I wish… We could’ve..” blah blah. But for me, the thing that matters the most is the health and happiness of those around me. Yes, I’m gutted that we might not get to experience the trip of our dreams to the one place I’ve always wanted to return to. But it doesn’t mean that we have to stop dreaming. There are countless of things to be thankful for and many things we’re blessed to have, putting each other at the top of that list.
I also think that as much as you to try plan things, life happens. It always will. If the current situation around the world doesn’t teach you the importance of not taking the small things for granted, I don’t know what will. Time is more precious than some people realise.
Putting all of this into perspective I know that good things can still happen. No matter how long it takes, I’ll keep dreaming until it’s real. And that’s why I’m not afraid to share it. I don’t talk about every single detail of my life with others everyday. But sometimes as long as you know what you want and you’re not afraid to go for it, you can do anything. When it comes down to it, there are much bigger and special things to look forward to than trips, no matter how exciting there are/were going to be.
Anything can be in store for the future
There’s so much the future can hold – good and bad. But I think even during the hardest of times, if you have each other, you have everything. That’s something I’ll never take for granted. And as most of you will have read before on my blog, I’m a big believer in doing things in your own time. Life isn’t a race.
It’s like when I tell people about how I’ve longed for a family of our own for quite some time. They seemed shocked. Perhaps it’s because I don’t put it out there. I’m already afraid that it might not happen because of complications mum has had in the past and wonder if I’ll experience it too. Kinda stupid I know because we all have our bodies but it’s true. And she does have 3 children who adore the bones of her. Some might wonder, why haven’t you got there then? It’s not about ‘getting there’. Me and Danny talk about these things and have known from the get-go what we want. I can only imagine how heartwarming it would be. Until then I might just have to bombard you all with some puppy love when that happens! Can you guess what Disney character’s name we’ve picked?
There’s always something to be thankful for
When you think about these things, it shows you what matters in your life. As much as I’d like to venture outside more often and continue my usual routine, it’s not much of a sacrifice when I still have the luxury of working from home, Danny’s company 24/7 (yes I genuinely love it) and my health and happiness.
Think about all of the reasons to be happy If you’re missing someone right now, FaceTime them, message them, call them.