Since my last post about realising where you’re supposed to be, I felt another reflective post coming along so here goes…
You’re known as the happy, giddy kind of person. But guess what, you are allowed to deflate those emotions from time to time. I guess it’s only normal. Yeah, I’ve felt down on many occasions, never seriously health wise but it still counts. It doesn’t seem to all come from negative experiences but the thought of being the best person I can be.
Wondering if I should be like them
Unfortunately for me, being that ‘best kind of person’ brings a lot of self-comparison. No matter how many times someone tells you you’re perfect or amazing, you find that something that you wonder if you should be or be better at. It’s a destructive path to follow and can cause so much damage to your mind. But if you do your best to push away all of the negative energy, you’re in control of your happiness in a way you never thought you could be.
I know how bad it is to become so obsessive what ifs, especially when you just found a way to stop being so caught up on those thoughts. And I also think about what someone could’ve had. Seeing pictures thinking someone looks perfect and trying to live up to that. And what’s worse, I keep going back to look. Why?!
One minute I’m confident, the next I’m wondering what else I can find that I don’t like. The thing is, there are so many great things about us all. As many of us that there are on the planet, I still think there’s something that makes each one of us different. And that is exactly what I need to remember – to embrace who I am and everything that’s part of me.
Becoming so lonely in my own thoughts
Do you think keeping every single thought to yourself is healthy? It isn’t. Sometimes you need to let of steam. Anyone that knows me, knows I’m not shy of a good rant. But I like to think there’s reasoning behind them… or at least a few of them eh? For instance, when people keep going down the same route. You work yourself up so much and then you realise that it’s down to them to deal with it. You can only be there as a shoulder to cry on to try and be the wise person you hope others perceive you to be.
Even the people closest to be but get a surprise if they heard some of the, let’s say “daft” thoughts inside my head. But my boyfriend usually picks up the signs. He’s so used to how I can be different kinds of quiet, a smile that shows I don’t really want to smile, or the want to scream into my pillow. There’s nothing quite like having your own little councillor. I don’t even say that sarcastically. He’s sat through so much my misguided thoughts. Not only has he listened, he’s offered ways to direct me into a happier mind.
Thinking about not being part of a big friendship group
You have never been the most popular and sometimes you feel like you’re alone. So many people come in and out of your life then you hit a point where you realise this is the part where everyone stays. I’m a big believer in that, who ever is supposed to stay in your life will stay. And the ones who aren’t will leave if you don’t decide to leave before them already.
I can count my friends on one hand. Sounds sad? But it how I prefer it. A smaller circle of friends is so much better for me. And them too are all different in their own ways. That’s what I love about them. Now I say it, I see why I should love myself more. Popularity doesn’t give you the greatest amount of happiness on earth. Creating fun memories that you’ll remember forever is what does.
Throughout all of this, I see how much prettier and ambitious some girls are going to be. I suppose the only person who’s stopping me from being those things is myself. Maybe I need to see the beauty in the little perks I have and remember all of the things I never thought I’d accomplish and have done so.