Holding Onto the Things That Make Me Happy

These last 6 months have been different, almost surreal, but there’s hope that we are heading towards the better side of things now. Under no means has Covid-19 gone away. However, the restrictions have eased compared to how life was in March. There has been so much negativity in the news, people’s spirits haven’t been as high which is completely understandable. I have been one of those people from time to time. I’ve also faced new challenges with my health trying to figure out what’s happening. Right now, apparently there are ‘no answers’. Although that’s not good enough, I like to think I will get there. As we approach the last 4 months of 2020, I want to share the things I’m thankful for and looking forward to.

Seeing friends and family more

It’s always nice to surround yourself with friends and family. When Covid-19 took that away, life was pretty hard. Calls, texts, and FaceTimes, just weren’t doing it for me anymore. No hugs or kisses. I’m that person who loves a good hug. I love to smile with my friends and family, have a laugh, and be as random as I always am. It’s good that I have been able to see much more of them recently and catch up. A couple of friends are buying houses this year and I am over the moon for them. The excitement is very real!

Making the most of challenging times

Luckily for me, I continued to do all of those things above with Danny. The smiles, hugs, being silly together, comforting me when I cried, holding my head up when I felt down and low. The biggest encourager on my running journey, and the best company to have when we worked from home together. I am so thankful for the last 6 months, for the way they have brought us closer to one another. I think seeing each other at work was the only way we had never seen each other before. So, I feel like all kind of experiences and emotions with each other are complete! Wow, I miss our adventures together but I’m so excited to re-book New York for next year (fingers crossed) and to see what the future holds for us.

Knowing that home is my favourite place of all

Home is my happy place. I mean, I am missing the getaways but I am glad that I have a home full of love. It’s been just over 18 months since we became homeowners and this December will be our 8th Christmas together. Time goes so fast and I’m so lucky that I get to build many more memories together. Unfortunately for Danny, that involves catching all of the spiders. I get over them… then it’s like I’m scared again because they are bigger each time *cry*. I love maintaining our beautiful home and continuing to make decisions on the little touches that make it our own. And as much as I love summer, I’m really looking forward to the cosy autumn/winter nights in as we approach Christmas. Let’s face it, it’ll be here before we know it!

What’s making you happy at the moment?

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visiting granny and grandad at the cemetery

The Importance of Memories With Your Loved Ones

Memories and experiences shape you into the person you are today. No matter your age, you have your own story. So far in life, there have been some difficult situations I have experienced, fortunately outweighed by the good. I’m a firm believer in taking something good from a negative event.

Family is everything. I love the bond I have with my mum, dad, and brothers. We have shared so much together, tough times and also some of the best times. I think we will always have each other and I’m so glad.

This last month or so has been a reflective time for me. Maybe a lot of things come down to my emotional nature, that’s what got me started on this blog almost 5 years ago after all. It got me thinking, you waste too much time wondering what if, I wish I could have… and so on.

You can look back, dwell in sorrow, or smile and grow stronger. I must admit I still cry no matter how many years go by but that’s just in my nature. I’m still much stronger than I used to be. Danny’s endless love for us and our life always gives me something to hold onto. Whatever may come, we face it together. I have lost count of the amount of times he has held me when I have hit such low points.

Life is what you make it…

You can’t predict the future, nor can you force things to happen. However, you can hope and think positive. Life can throw twists and turns. How you deal with them, is down to outlook. Take someone who you were very close to and the day you lost them. You feel raw. A piece of the jigsaw that made your life whole is missing. It is also a very confusing and a lot for your heart to take.

I remember I was 7 years old when I lost someone I loved for the first time, someone I was very close to, my granny. I couldn’t prep for school plays or assemblies. I didn’t understand how you could just lose someone. It was painful enough seeing her unwell in hospital. I cried at home. I cried at school. I cried at my friend’s house.

Someone taught me how to braver and stronger – my grandad. I used to think seeing granny’s face in my dreams was scary, waking up to the reality that she was no longer here. Grandad always said, she is always going to be there and when I look at the sky at night she will be one of the stars twinkling bright. I haven’t stopped paying so much attention to the stars since. When I lived at my mum and dad’s, I always thought she was there each night in the same spot. Although I’m in a house of my own now, I still smile when the stars are out at night.

When grandad passed away, I may have been older but it didn’t make it any easier. My heart sunk harder than I ever thought it could. You see, he always shown us that Granny’s life was around us. Having his hugs, holding his hand, and sharing the most exciting adventures was everything. He brought anything he could to life, the light always shined, and he was my hero.

Together, granny and grandad were a significant couple, not just as grandparents, but because they were special in their own ways. Granny – a beautiful woman, so playful always making us laugh, caring, always looked out for you, and the best kind of granny ever. Grandad – he gave you his heart and soul, he was the strongest man. Not once did he stop loving any us differently, and he did everything in his power to give you the best in life, most of all, his love. Together, they were one in a million.

There’s always something to give back

My mum and have have always understood that dreams can come true if you fight hard enough and that love keeps everything alive. Through my dad’s protective streak and being the person I can always turn to for help, to my mum’s loving nature and showing me that I should always “hold my head up high”, no matter what life throws at you, plays a part in the person I am today. But it goes without saying, granny and grandad helped me to see that, life is what you make it and more.

I’m always on the look out to see how I can support charities in memory of the those who were very special to me. A few that are close to my heart are Cancer Research UK, Tommy’s and The British Heart Foundation. I wonder what my next charity challenge will be?

I hope this post inspires you to reflect on what the most important people in your life have taught you and how you should always hold them close to your heart.

13 Years Later and You Shine Brighter Than Ever

I was about to write a short caption on a draft photo upload to Instagram, then I realised that I had more to say.

You can’t fit into one blog post how having someone in your life makes such a significant impact. I spent 13 years with him and now it’s been 13 years without him. My grandad was my biggest hero. He taught me how to be strong, brave and kind. The most generous hearted person. He was the only one who would play shop and post office with me more than twice at a time. He encouraged me to go on my first huge rollercoaster ride when I was absolutely terrified. And since that day, I’ve learnt the importance of being brave and coming out of my comfort zone. The one person I could share everything with and made it all better. He always gave me the greatest hugs and tickled my arm when I needed to go to sleep.

Nothing beat the love he had for his grandchildren. He wanted to give us the world. The amount of happiness he brought into our lives will always give us something to look back on and smile about.

I never thought anything could break grandad. You know, it was as if he was unstoppable. There’s been two instances that shown me otherwise. The first – when granny passed away on 9th February 2002. Stood alone, I watched him crumble, crying so hard, putting his head into his hands. I was in the hallway at mum and dad’s house and I looked into the kitchen to see him, heartbroken. As much as it’s a memory I’d like to phase away, I don’t think it ever will.

You build such a strong bond, share adventures and they hold your hand throughout childhood. They watch you become a teenager and then…

The second – the day his heart stopped on 21st May 2007. My dad told school that he needed me and my brother to come home. A guidance counsellor who got to know me though being bullied at the time, found me straight away. I was so confused. I didn’t say much until we walked to the car waiting for my brother to come. “Is it mum?” “Is Gaz okay?” My dad didn’t know what to say even though he was trying to tell us. I asked, “N-no, no, Grandad?” and my dad’s face said all it needed to. The car journey home was probably the quietest moment I’ve shared with one of my brothers. It was happening all over again. That was us, home, ran to our bedrooms and cried uncontrollably.

I remember visiting grandad in hospital and him telling me, “You’re growing up so much”. Getting on a bus to visit him at the hospital on my own didn’t phase me one bit. Walking through the hospital, seeing Ward H2, seeing him lay in the hospital bed didn’t scare me. No longer being able to hold his hand scared me. I used to bring 2 of my high school friends to stay on many weekends at his house – his kindness spread to others like them. They seen, no matter how old I was, the relationship we had didn’t change. I only wish I could’ve seen him when he went home this time.

I could spend my life hating coronary heart disease but hate isn’t something that grandad would’ve wanted. Hopefully you’ll see, why I love doing all I can to support the British Heart Foundation. Also, I think it’s crazy how, ever since I was a little girl I’ve always wanted a golden Labrador/Retriever and that’s the breed of dog grandad sponsored and almost had one as a guide dog for his visual impairment.

Grandad, just as we used to do for granny, every time I look to the sky at night and I see a star, I’ll think of you. “Love you millions!”

I haven’t written this blog post to give myself a good cry, as much as I’ve had to fight it whilst putting it together. It’s more to remind myself how special life is. Time and love is everything. There’s no escaping loved ones, they are in each and every little thing we see or do. You find yourself thinking about or doing something they taught you. And I hope this teaches anyone who’s reading this post, to hold tight onto everything that makes you happy.

The Magic of Christmas Never Disappears

The festive season, a time for thankfulness and having fun with your family. For those of us who don’t have to work over Christmas, we get to make the most of lounging around, wearing several pairs of new pyjamas and eating lots of food and snacks around the house.

25th December 2019 was mine and Danny’s first Christmas in our first home and our seventh Christmas spent together as a couple. This year has been much more significant than other years and I think living together has played a huge part. Not only has the friendship side of us which sparked way back when grown but we’ve fell in love even more than I imagined we could.

Since we bought our first real Christmas tree and decorated it, I knew this year was going to be more magical than previous years. Call me emotional but I cried. I think it was the whole idea of looking how far we have come together and finally being in a place we have always dreamed of. Danny is the most warm-hearted person and he’s the one who will remind you there’s always so much love to give.

It showed when I couldn’t hold back the tears on Christmas Day morning. We opened presents from family and friends first and then what we got each other. The final present I opened from Danny got me. It’s no surprise to anyone that I’m quite the sentimental kind of person so this gift means so much to me. The thought that went into it made it so amazing. He bought me a map of how the stars looked on the night of our first date and it even has the time on it. Some say that men don’t remember things, I must’ve got lucky! The colour even matches our bedroom so once we’ve got a frame for it, I’ll share a photo.

Of all the lovely gifts we received this year, for me, the best of all was spending Christmas morning with each other, just the two of us. And of course seeing family for the rest of the day and night made it as enjoyable as it was.

I’m a reflective kind of person as it is but I find that Christmas and New Year brings us more time to think about the year and previous years in comparison to the present. Some years bring the loss of loved ones just like uncle Dom in June, and challenges arise but it’s important to remember that you can always feel the magic of Christmas if you look close enough. Smiling and laughing over Christmas season doesn’t mean you forget about the people you miss the most.

This December, I’ve thought about many things including what the future has to offer. If you don’t feel it right now, I hope that 2020 brings a new perspective. A year full of happiness surrounded by those that you love.