teddy bear looking at window

Thoughts of a mum to be as due date approaches

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Becoming a mum for the first time, for me, has brought the most exciting and heartwarming journey but little bits of worry are starting to creep up now. After speaking to a couple of friends and of course my Danny, they know it’s most likely down to the closeness of baby’s due date approaching. Little things are building up in my mind – some of which won’t even be a thought when baby is on the outside world no doubt. Here are some pieces of advice that I am going to let soak in and remember the next time I start to feel a little panicked.

Not everything can be done in a day!

This one is from myself. As baby’s arrival gets closer, I keep looking at things that are lying around the house upstairs because we are in the middle of having some things sorted out e.g. shower and retiling, paint tins in the room, bits of clutter we are waiting to be collected etc. Danny has done an amazing job with the decorating around the house. The only other main room to do now is the living room and small touching up around the completed ones. Once bits of furniture we don’t need anymore are gone, I’m sure I’ll feel much happier to see less clutter.

You’ll laugh at me right now because as far as baby is concerned, everything in place so I shouldn’t be so bothered but hey, it’s me. Another thing that bugs me is the constant sight of spiders. Yes, I know that sounds random but they are everywhere at the minute. I am going to try some peppermint oil and hope that does the trick. It’s one fear I don’t think will ever completely go away. I’m going to have more things on my hands soon to worry about, so I’ll have to try my best to ignore those creepy crawlies! Typing these things makes me feel pretty daft but it’s the truth.

You’ve got food, nappies, warmth, and a whole lot of love!

A lovely friend said this to me just this morning and she’s absolutely right. All of these little stresses I have at the moment will disappear once our little one is here. He is going to be so loved and bring a whole new light and level of happiness into our lives. I’ve got to stay as happy as I can to make him happy – that goes for today and once he is born.

It amazes me every day that we are brining a new life into the world. A baby boy, a son to call our own. When I take this piece of advice on board, it gets me thinking about his little face, what his little fingers and toes are going to look like, and when we look into each other’s eyes for the first time. This is such a special time and I am going to remind myself to cherish these last few weeks because as excited as we are, I know I’ll miss having a baby bump, watching him grow and wriggle around.

You’ve got me, everything will be okay!

Time and time again, Danny will say, “Tasha, do you really think I’ll let anything happen to you.” He tells me that we’re in this together and no matter what challenges come our way, we will face them as a team. Even though he constantly tells me he is right – guess what, he is right again! Danny has things on his mind too but he knows that the both of us will work together and give our baby all of the love in the world and that’s the most important thing they need.

Over the last couple of weeks, I have been chatting away to Danny to say, “What if I do this or that wrong?” or “What if I struggle in labour?” These are normal thoughts, right? If anything happens before I go into hospital, Danny will be here before I know it. Before the days we got together, he looked after me, and now he is there for me more than ever. Every bone in his body is full of love, support, and understanding (he has also picked up my foreign Tasha language really well!)

We’ve got this!

So, it goes without saying, I am bound to worry a little or a lot, just like any mum to be. But I can 100% say that I am looking forward to every moment to come. The cries, sleepless nights, and challenges with patience will hit for sure but it is going to be really worth it. For two people who have always wanted a child, there isn’t a single moment we will take for granted.

teddy bear waving

What Being a ‘Mum to Be’ Means to Me

Am I really a mum to be? Yes I am and it feels so amazing.

While this is such an exciting time in my life, I’m not ignorant towards the topic of pregnancy loss, nor have I ever been since a I was child. Some women I’m very close to, have lost a child. It’s raw but it’s real.

I know people who have miscarried at different stages of their pregnancy, or  experienced a still birth. My mum fits into both of these categories, someone who I love so much and every day I think about how strong she is. I also have friends who have health issues which causes barriers for them to be able to get pregnant. I’ll always remember them and what they’ve been/are going through.

This post hasn’t been published to disregard anyone’s feelings, it’s simply to share how my mum to be journey is going and how it feels for me. Even my mum says, “Nothing should stop me from the light that pregnancy brings to your life, especially when it’s for the first time.” She (and Danny most days pre-pregnancy) has taught me how important it is to be happy and to focus on whatever triggers. Now, my first pregnancy is something beyond that. It’s an experience which I am sure I’ll never forget and I am learning to cherish every moment.

One thing I’ve always wondered is, what it’s like when you know you have a baby inside you. How does it feel? Does it change you? There are days when I panic, others when I wonder if I have exercised enough.

Doing everything I can

Anyone who knows me, understands that I did everything in my power to put my body in it’s healthiest state when trying to get pregnant. I wanted to sort some medical bits out, speak to my doctor and gynaecology department to check if I would be putting me/baby at risk if I was to fall pregnant. They didn’t doubt me, they offered to help and support me wherever I needed it. It’s like they knew it was my time. And I wasn’t shy to share the fact that we have always known we wanted a baby. I just never knew if it could happen because we hadn’t tried before without contraception. 

My GP was in touch a lot in the first trimester to check on me, mostly due to the fact that I have chronic hypertension. But more so, because my body was about to go through some big changes and I was bound to have questions. Before seeing the midwife, I remember asking him over the phone, “Am I definitely pregnant?” And he said, “Natasha, the amount of positive tests you have, there’s your answer.” I was in some kind of disbelief that we had been given this chance, something we have always dreamed of.

Getting pregnant has always been an image in my future ever since I was younger. I remember going shopping with my mum and I would always run to the baby clothes section, that hasn’t changed to this day. I’ve never really been afraid to hold a new born baby and I have always looked into their eyes and wondered what it would be like to hold one of my own some day.

Dreams do come true

And now, the dream is coming to life. The day I seen those two pink lines then the word Pregnant on a pregnancy test, my whole world froze for the most surreal moment ever. I remember thinking, “Wow, we have made a new life. A little one to call ours.”

For days I wondered how our baby would start to grow, what they look like, is my body strong enough to take this on? Is there anything I can do more of? What shouldn’t I be doing? The list of questions went on.

As much as there are hard days and confusing times during my pregnancy journey, I never for one minute forget how blessed I am. Since I have had a visible bump, I must look in the mirror at least once a day and smile. I talk to my baby bump, I sing, and we dance together.

I want to give our baby everything and more. They will know what it’s like to be loved, cared for, and how important a family is. Just the other day, I was talking to Danny and there was a little quiz on the pregnancy app I’m using. It asked about the qualities you would like your child to have, things to understand when growing up etc. Every answer we gave was the same, and we said them simultaneously.

We are already factoring our baby’s future into everything we do. We are good at working as a team and I can’t wait until we become an extended team of 3. We are both keeping busy and I am whizzing round the house tidying and cleaning as much as I can. What’s new there? Danny is doing a lot of painting, he has the patience of a saint. I won’t lie, I only did a small amount of painting in the nursery but still, I’m in 1000% house maintaining mode and doing my usual thing. In the process of my daily routine I have started to realise how clumsy I am… or maybe just a lot more than I already was? Oh and it’s official, my name is Tasha and I’m a chocoholic!

I stared at the room once it had been painted and I choked with emotions – happiness, warmth, and excitement. What was once our little office is now a room becoming our son or daughter’s bedroom. We have a white cabinet with shelves that has some toiletry bits on, story books, Winnie the Pooh storage boxes with clothes, that kind of stuff. Sometimes, I walk into the room just to remind myself that as each day passes by, we are one step closer to meeting our baby.

Every time I see mums and dads pushing babies in their prams by the river at home, it makes me feel so happy. That’ll be us in the summer!

This is such a special journey. The next highlight will be finding out baby’s gender which will probably be the topic of my next blog post so keep a look out.

My First Pregnancy

This is my first pregnancy. I have a little human growing inside me and I’m thinking of how blessed we are. Our own baby, our child, our perfect everything. This is one special stage in our lives that we have always dreamed of.

Those feelings for the first time

I have been amazed by every moment so far, even those strong hormones taking over and changing my body in more ways than I could ever have imagined. The sickness part, obviously wasn’t fun but it reminded me that our beautiful baby boy or girl are inside and those hormones are well and truly doing their thing.

Thinking about my mum

All my life I have looked at mum and wondered how she stays so strong? A woman who has lost children but also brought 3 (me and my two big brothers) into the world. She wants nothing but love and happiness for us. To say she has been through challenging times doesn’t even cut it but through it all, she has been a mum, and has always been there.

My mum reminds me how precious the relationship is between a mother and her children, especially as I have gotten older. She makes me think of the love she had for granny (her mum).

My mum’s morning messages are everything. When we can’t see each other at the moment, those rows of emojis she adds to her texts make me smile. She knows how to send voice notes now too so we always have a little laugh, if not with those, over the phone to catch up.

Thoughts and feelings around my pregnancy 

Questions run through my mind, how will I do this or that? But the truth is, no one ever truly knows what they are doing. I believe it all comes to you naturally and we all have our own ways. No doubt I’ll need to have more patience than ever and I might be a little sleep deprived from time to time. That’s something you hear when you announce your pregnant from quite a few people. Does that really matter though? We are bringing a new life into the world. A gentle, miraculous, little one. Now, THAT, is worth everything.

I love seeing my belly grow and I felt little flutters quite early on. The stretches are incredible, although sometimes I’m looking for ways to soothe the aches. As long as our baby continues to grow and stays healthy, that’s all that matters.

One thing I have learnt is to embrace being pregnant, especially after that first trimester when your emotions and the “Am I feeling okay today?” question travels through your mind. It really is an up and down rollercoaster. But now, I want to shine and take away any worry. I want to smile every day and keep looking after our baby, keeping them warm and snug.

I’m so glad I have you

Throughout all of the new things I’m experiencing, there’s no one other than my Danny that I would want by my side. The most understanding (even when I’m speaking in true Tasha language) man there is. His level of care and love he has is endless. And he wants nothing but the best for me and our baby. Truth is, we already got it because we have him.

If you have any comments you would like to share as a first time mum, please add them below. You’ve got this!

woman's hand holding a sparkler

Holding Onto the Things That Make Me Happy

These last 6 months have been different, almost surreal, but there’s hope that we are heading towards the better side of things now. Under no means has Covid-19 gone away. However, the restrictions have eased compared to how life was in March. There has been so much negativity in the news, people’s spirits haven’t been as high which is completely understandable. I have been one of those people from time to time. I’ve also faced new challenges with my health trying to figure out what’s happening. Right now, apparently there are ‘no answers’. Although that’s not good enough, I like to think I will get there. As we approach the last 4 months of 2020, I want to share the things I’m thankful for and looking forward to.

Seeing friends and family more

It’s always nice to surround yourself with friends and family. When Covid-19 took that away, life was pretty hard. Calls, texts, and FaceTimes, just weren’t doing it for me anymore. No hugs or kisses. I’m that person who loves a good hug. I love to smile with my friends and family, have a laugh, and be as random as I always am. It’s good that I have been able to see much more of them recently and catch up. A couple of friends are buying houses this year and I am over the moon for them. The excitement is very real!

Making the most of challenging times

Luckily for me, I continued to do all of those things above with Danny. The smiles, hugs, being silly together, comforting me when I cried, holding my head up when I felt down and low. The biggest encourager on my running journey, and the best company to have when we worked from home together. I am so thankful for the last 6 months, for the way they have brought us closer to one another. I think seeing each other at work was the only way we had never seen each other before. So, I feel like all kind of experiences and emotions with each other are complete! Wow, I miss our adventures together but I’m so excited to re-book New York for next year (fingers crossed) and to see what the future holds for us.

Knowing that home is my favourite place of all

Home is my happy place. I mean, I am missing the getaways but I am glad that I have a home full of love. It’s been just over 18 months since we became homeowners and this December will be our 8th Christmas together. Time goes so fast and I’m so lucky that I get to build many more memories together. Unfortunately for Danny, that involves catching all of the spiders. I get over them… then it’s like I’m scared again because they are bigger each time *cry*. I love maintaining our beautiful home and continuing to make decisions on the little touches that make it our own. And as much as I love summer, I’m really looking forward to the cosy autumn/winter nights in as we approach Christmas. Let’s face it, it’ll be here before we know it!

What’s making you happy at the moment?

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