young man walking over the bridge

You Shouldn’t Hold Your Feelings Inside

Why do so many of us hold our feelings inside? A lot of people think we feel with our hearts and think with our minds which is true for the most part. But what about when you let your mind control how you feel? We are so quick to judge someone before we know what they are going through – perhaps they don’t ever tell you. Is this why we can refuse to open up about our own feelings?

I think we need a world with more empathy. People should be able to speak up about what they’re experiencing with the thought of them not having it has hard as somebody else. We all suffer in some kind of way at least once in our life whether it be grief, relationships, battling your own mind just to name a few.

So why shouldn’t you hold your feelings inside?

When you think about how of us are on the planet, don’t you think it’s shame we live in a world where people can’t open up, to share experiences, understand each other, and most of all to try and help each other or be there for one another?

When I cry, there’s only a handful of people that know what to do. Most expect me to be smiley all the time because I don’t overly share what’s going on, only when it gets tough. And for me that’s works. For others too, privacy is important and only letting people in when they let you in, works fair in my eyes. But it’s so important that when someone is there for you 1000% not to shut them out. Especially when they’re always making an effort with you. Otherwise you’ll only end up pushing them away and loneliness is the last thing you want.

No matter how perfect you might think someone’s got it, the likeliness is that, they will continue to be there for you. They might have or might not have experienced the same thing. But it doesn’t mean they can’t listen. If something is dragging you down more than it ever has before or more than it should, speak to someone. Whoever that person might be – your friend, parent, grandparent, work colleague, doctor, counsellor – talk to them.

You’ll be surprised how often people underestimate the power of a small chat. It’s not supposed to ‘fix’ things magically but it helps. If gives you a sense of acceptance and gives you an insight that you never seen before to deal with the pain you’re feeling.

You, me, the queen, celebrities, all of us, are human.

Listening to someone is one of the kindest things you can do. And for people on the other side, don’t sit there and think, “They don’t want to or won’t listen to this.” There are people in the world with a heart you know. When they realise that you’ve been battling your own thoughts so much is something that would probably hurt them too.

The reality is some days/weeks/months/years will be tougher than others. When you lose someone close to you, the healing process isn’t something that can be measured for each person. We’re all different and cope in our own ways. Memories are so precious. Always hold onto them.

The other day I visited my granny and grandad at the cemetery and I cried for the first time in years. Getting older can make you stronger, it doesn’t mean to say that because you cry you’re weak. Others might ask themselves why I cried when it’s been over 17 years for one of them. That’s because your heart never lets go of love. I wouldn’t just shut off my feelings towards them because they’re not here, it’s not how life works. I like to know that I can talk about them any time I want with my boyfriend and talk about memories with mum, dad and my brothers.

There will be times when everything will get on top of each other

When a certain amount of time passes by you’ve started to learn how to deal with a situation… then life happens. Since my uncle passed away this year I’ve realised that losing another family member doesn’t make it easier. You still grieve. You’ll cry when you don’t want to. But you soon realise that it’s okay and that you shouldn’t apologise when these things happen in front of people. If we held those feelings inside we would have an outburst one day and it’s a whole lot healthier to let your tears out.

If you’re someone who is going through some stuff right now that doesn’t seem ‘serious enough’ to talk about, if it’s getting you down then it’s important. Don’t think you’re going to be a burden to someone. Open up to someone and you might just see a new perspective.

cloudy sky during the daytime

Worrying Over the Little Things

Ah, worrying over the little things is more common with people than you think. I like to think I’m a lot more in control of my worrying mind nowadays and that my ridiculously worrying days are over. For the most part that’s true but there are still small parts of me where the worrier in me remains. Maybe not always ‘worry’ but a constant wonder, you know?

Take the things that haven’t even happened yet. I get a sense of fear when thinking about seeing certain people in a sudden situation. Or, I still hold onto the wonder of what someone thinks of me if they see me. It’s weird because I know damn right that the person on the other side wouldn’t even have a care in the world.

Here’s what I (and you if you’re in the same boat) need to remember…

  1. There are amazing things happening in your life right now, try to spend more time focusing on those.
  2. Time spent worrying is often time wasted. Use your time wisely and think about the happiest things in your life.
  3. Whenever something’s getting to you (even though it probably shouldn’t), talk to someone because it will help.
  4. You can always write about your thoughts, just like me. Writing definitely is my therapy as it helps me to release what’s on my mind.
  5. Whenever you figure out the small triggers of your worry, try to distance yourself from them without giving them too much attention.

Living with your partner can help to reduce the negative thoughts and wonder going through your mind. They want you to be happy so don’t forget how lucky you are to have a home together and to cherish their company with every chance you get.

Hold onto the closest people in your life, they’ll always help you to see the brighter side to life, no matter what’s going on. A short and sweet post but something to think about, right?

I hope this post helps you if you’ve been worrying about the little things.

low-angle photo of smiley face balloons

Don’t Let Other People Control Your Happiness

It’s time to start putting more effort into my own happiness. It wasn’t so long ago that I thought I was better at letting things go.

Crying isn’t always a bad thing. But surely too much of it can’t be healthy? That’s what I’ve discovered over the last few weeks. People can have an impact on your emotions and they don’t even know it. Perhaps their actions aren’t always intentional but at the same time, they’re just not needed.

What am I going to do about it?

I need to like being myself, which I’m not completely so far away from. But if I could just get rid of this one thing that bugs me more than anything, its people’s opinions, their need to get involved an overwhelming amount or the inappropriate comments and gestures. People close to me advise me to ignore them. That’s where I’m weak. I struggle so much to try to put things to the back of my mind. And when I eventually do, something else pops up.

It’s down to me. For things to change, I need to focus on the more meaningful things in life. There are tonnes of things to smile about and to be thankful for. I’m not going to lose sight of myself trying to please others. Sometimes, it’s about speaking up and being brave.

Think about this too…

You can lose followers on social media but you shouldn’t let this impact your value. And you can have people who you drift anyway from that were your ‘mates’ or ‘friends’. Some of these people come into your life for a reason. Some friendships slip away, meanwhile others can stay forever. It doesn’t matter about the number of friends you have. What matters is, who they truly are. The truth is, I think we’re all worth more than we realise. It’s when you discover who you really are that leads you to believing how important your happiness is.

Am I really lonely? My parents do what they can to support me. My big brothers have always got my back. And I have the most amazing human being (Danny) by my side in all that I do. Surrounding yourself with the ones who love you is much better than being round a hundred people who might not believe in you or value who you really are.

The new adventure is right around the corner

I keep telling myself, “It’s not long now.” Me and Danny are waiting for those two weeks notice or whatever it’ll end up being to notify us when our home will be ready for us. I’ve visioned not only the day but everything leading up to this moment for so long. In fact, we both have. This is our journey. We’re going to travel on it in no other way but ours.

Now, the next time you find yourself becoming so lost in your emotions, fighting against other people’s matters or say, remember what you should really be focusing on. Tell yourself a million times. I should know, I’m constantly sending myself the reminder. If you do feel like you’re falling down again, go to your happy place.

Don’t let other people control your happiness, create your own kind of happiness.

knife and fork on sad face plate

3 Things to Remember When You’re Feeling Frustrated

It’s creeping back, that cloud of feeling frustrated by lots of little things. Rather than being angry I seem more upset. It’s as if working myself up to be annoyed is too much so I just cry and wish people would hold back. Why’s it so difficult for people to do that? Unfortunately we all know that’s not the case. Everybody has to comment on something and it’s so bloody annoying. But life is sometimes, isn’t it?

I’m listening to ‘September Song’ by JP Cooper to chill me out and I think it’s working you know it’s led me to write this blog. Listening to music and blogging really relaxes me. It’s quite therapeutic actually. As amazing as it would be to live a life which isn’t surrounded by judgements and assumptions, the reality is that, there always going to be there.

Throughout any kind of frustration in your life remember these 3 things:

1. Don’t take it out on the wrong person

You can let your emotions get the best of you. Rather than letting the ones who love you and care listen, you take your frustration out on them. Don’t worry, it’s something we’ve all done at some point. Once you realise that you’re hurting the wrong person, you find other ways to revert back to the happier version of yourself before you worried about what anybody says.

2. Just keep being you and do what makes you happy

Okay so now I’m listening to ‘Who You Are’ by Jessie J. She tells us that it’s okay not to be okay. But throughout anything, it’s important to “be true to who you are”. Let’s not allow others ruin our happiness. If you’ve got something good going for you, be proud and keep moving forward. Nothing and no one is perfect but you can have your own kind of perfect. And you deserve to be happy so keep at it.

3. Sometimes it’s best to be in your own company

Listen to music, go for a walk, watch a nice or funny film, find something that works for you. The worst thing you can do though, is to be alone and sit in complete silence in a bundle of worrying thoughts. Find something to concentrate on or something to distract you from feeling frustrated. And yes you guessed it, music and blogging helps with on this one as well.

It can drain you to the point where you become so upset so it’s important to find the things that work for you. What are the 3 things that help you when you’re feeling frustrated?

silhouette of woman in the night time

3 Things to Remember When You’re Lacking Body Confidence Again

Are you lacking body confidence again? Does it feel like you were just right on track then suddenly you’re back to square one for the hundredth time? Well, if that’s you then I’m completely with you. It wasn’t so long ago that I told myself to be nothing but me and be happy in the body I’m in. People still say, “Oh there’s nothing wrong with you”. But you see everything that’s wrong with you.

1. The numbers on the scales aren’t the most important thing

I stopped weighing myself for months… until today. I seen a number that I didn’t want to see on the little piece of paper that prints out on the scales in the gym. However, this time, rather than keeping it in my purse and always looking at it, I scrunched it up and put it in the bin. I always used to think people went to the gym to lose weight. But it isn’t. And I’m nowhere near to being overweight so why do I still a problem when I see the numbers?

The reason why I go to the gym is to stay as toned as I can. And to just keep it. Some weeks I go more than others, and that’s perfectly fine. My problem is, I’ll see someone who’s around the same size as me or maybe even slightly taller, and I’ll think I’ll look better if I way around that same number. Telling myself that seems so bizarre now I’m typing it out and listening to the thought again in my head.

2. Love your own body rather than loving the idea of having somebody else’s

Every body is different. We’re all our own shape and size. It’s so easy to compare ourselves to others when we catch them from a distance in an outfit you wish you’d look good in. But why can’t you look good in it? You look at the mannequins but remember they’re not even real. You see Instagram models but remember they’re all edited to look the way they do. Just because you’re an ideal weight doesn’t mean to say that you don’t have problems when it comes to lacking body confidence.

I’ve spent some occasions crying before getting ready because I don’t like the way I look in a dress, or I think a certain colour jeans make my legs look bigger. It might sound so silly to some people but it’s true. The same goes for worrying about bumping into people and always seeming to look your worst. I feel like that happens an awful lot when I’m with my boyfriend and we see someone he knows.

3. You’re so much more than just a body

We’re human beings. Our bodies are a huge part of us inside and out. So remember that there’s beauty inside too. You don’t have to have a beautiful body to do beautiful things. And to be honest, there’s always someone that finds you beautiful if when you’re lacking body confidence that is well and truly needed. You begin to realise how much you’re punishing yourself. It plays with your emotions in so many ways.

My boyfriend tells me I’m gorgeous, beautiful, lovely, etc. whether it’s from a good morning message to him telling me out of the blue how he thinks I look today. Last last week for example, I got dressed for work then I went downstairs to have some breakfast. My hair and makeup wasn’t done but he said, “You look nice today. Not that you don’t every day.” Inside, he makes me feel warm and loved but I still reply, “Don’t say that. I’m not even ready yet.” But then I think, he loves me for me regardless of my body or my emotions I’m feeling from lacking body confidence.

I really hope you’ll tell yourselves these three things day. And remember, even the people who you think look perfect, know what it can be like when it comes to lacking body confidence.

How have you been feeling about your body confidence recently?

tablet glasses and phone on a table outdoors

Travel to Wherever Life Takes You

You come into the world as a tiny baby. Months go by and you’re learning how to roll over, crawl, make your own kind of noises to communicate in your own language etc. More time goes by and you’re walking, and eventually you’re talking in actual words. Your parents don’t want you to grow up. You start off with nursery or primary school. By the time you know it you’re in high school. After then, everything really is down to you.

It’s up to you to make decisions for your future. It doesn’t necessarily mean they’ll be the right or wrong ones. They’re your decisions and you’re going to make them. Mine was to attend college and university to study the subjects I was truly passionate about and wanted to do well in.

Did I love the whole college/uni experience? Nope. But I didn’t entirely hate them at the same time (okay maybe with college I did). A good thing though, was that I had quite a few friends at college. Completing college and uni was what I always wanted to do. I told myself to get to the end, for me and no-one else. I’m not on earth to prove myself to anyone, as hard as that can be at times to remember.

Wondering what’s going to happen next? Travel to wherever life takes you.

I remember finding out I was going to uni two weeks before the first term began. Those weeks of waiting really made me so anxious. The dread. The constant questions like, “So, what are you going to do with your life if you’re not getting into uni?” I was clueless – I didn’t have an idea in the slightest what was going to happen. Back then I wish I would’ve replied, “I’m going to do me.”

I guess by being me is what got be that place. There was some potential. The three years were… okay. I’m glad I met a friend who I still keep in touch with today. But I don’t think I got the entire ‘uni life’ experience. I walked in alone. And there was a lot around me that I didn’t enjoy. But I graduated so that’s something that can’t be taken away.

After this point, more challenges came my way. One, two, three, twenty-something interviews later to be where I am today. From a sales assistant from the age of 16 to a learning support administrator, marketing assistant, and now happily in the position of marketing coordinator and content writer.

So I’m kind of stubborn

Some say I’m stubborn and to be honest I can be. But I’m also just true to myself. When you’re told how/when/why/where you should do something, you stop to think, hang on a minute this is my life. So I’m going to live it my way. And I’m so glad I stuck to that. I didn’t get amazing college or uni results like what you see on the news. They always show the ones at the top of the class getting into the most famous and high up institutions. What about the rest of us eh?

There’s so much pressure in the world, we’re expected to achieve certain things to be valued as ‘intelligent’. I know there are certain areas that are my strongest. But I’ve also got my weakest just like everyone else.

Following the crowd has never been my style. I was bad at it and that’s because being like someone else isn’t what’s going to make you happy. Until you see you for who you are and focus on the things that make you happy, you’ll realise you’ll felt nothing like it. You look back and wish you would’ve had the courage to take certain steps sooner. But the important thing is that you got there in the end.

Talking steps independently

I’m the type of person who likes to do a lot of things on my own without anyone holding my hand. If I went alone to get the coil fitted I can do anything, right? It’s funny, whenever Danny makes a comment I always say “It’s cos I’m an independent woman like Beyoncé!”

I walked into my first day of high school on my own being aware that only a couple of people from primary school would be there. I’d spent some dinners alone but that didn’t make me a ‘loner’. Some people knew who I was. And some didn’t. Some days my friends just had things going on. I faced bullies alone. I didn’t tell a soul. It took my brother to figure it out.

In primary school, on several occasions I would wait until I was alone in a room to cry my eyes out when granny passed away. I used to get the bus on my own up to visit grandad at the hospital. And to this day I’ll go to see them at the cemetery alone. But my dad or Danny do like to come along when they can. Dad knows to wait in the car for a while though. And Danny always gives me some time for just the 3 of us.

A lot of the time, I go shopping on my own. I take it upon myself to take myself for a walk! Sometimes I go to the gym alone and sometimes I don’t. It’s nice to have a mixture of both. Obviously when I need help or support, the people who love me most recognise when to step in.

Let the people who care for you be there for you

Sometimes, I’m wrong to think I must have it all together on my own. If you’re lucky to have someone who wants to be there for you, don’t stop them, let them in. My person for that is someone who’s going to be in my life forever. Not just someone who’s in your life temporarily. I’ve learnt that keeping your friends group small is good for me. No drama. I see certain people as the ones I shared memories with. But it doesn’t matter that we’re not friends kind of friends, you know? It’s never going to be like that again and I’m fine with that.

Things happen. Life happens. Travel to wherever it takes you and follow the things that make you happy.