The past few days, I’ve been thinking about things that I probably don’t need to but anyway… I’m not sure if it’s because I’m on maternity leave so there’s a lot more time than usual for things to play on my mind or if I’m just being good old me.
After I gave birth, emotions were all over the place which is absolutely normal but I still don’t think they haven’t quite gone yet. My body is still changing, I am discovering a whole new world with a tiny human being (well, a little chunky chops), and sometimes I feel like I need to be doing more. Also, I find myself feeling pressured? It’s not like this is by anyone but I am telling myself that X, Y, Z needs to be done or achieved within a particular time frame. Take losing weight and getting back into ‘shape’ as an example. I haven’t gotten myself into a hole which is good and I am taking regular walks each day but I still don’t love my body. I know it’s not a nice thing to say but it’s true. I’m sure I’ll get back to loving my body some more, even if it’s just a little. There’s more on this if you read on.
Fitting into old clothes
Some people will compliment me which is lovely. They might say, “You’re looking well” or “Wow, your bump has completely gone”. The truth is, it makes me a little sad. I loved feeling my baby bump growing more and more every day for 9 months. How am I supposed to love my post-pregnancy body now? I can’t fit into my jeans. I am living in leggings and anything that’s comfy. I don’t want be complaining months down the line that I didn’t “get rid of the baby weight”. That special baby that once cosied up inside me is now with me here, literally right next to me. He doesn’t care about my size or how I look. Sometimes I feel the same then other days, it’s all I think about. I don’t want to ‘let myself go’ and I don’t think I am but maybe running will help me. I considered re-joining the gym but I’m just not entirely sure it’s for me at the moment. I feel pressured without being pressured… does that even make sense? How our minds work eh!
Going back to work
I have months left before I return to work so why is it even on my mind? I’ll tell you why, I’ve been lay in bed at night and I panic if I won’t be able to take everything on when I go back. There will be no doubt be many changes and lots of new challenges to adapt to. What if I feel like I can’t do it? It sounds silly, I know. Danny is rift though, I need to take it off my work as it should be the last thing I worry about. There’s so much precious time left to enjoy every day with my baby boy so that’s what I’m going to do my best to focus on right now and for the upcoming months. I always turn to him when I feel down, he smiles and everything (these random down thoughts) suddenly disappears… for a little while at least.
What’s really important
Now, this is a positive one and my favourite point in this post. Since Freddy was born, I feel stronger and as the weeks have gone by, I think I’m a lot more confident in all of the new mum stuff that’s came my way. I’ll be honest, I have days where I wonder how I’m still going about my day when my energy levels get low. Then, Danny will come home from work and everything’s okay. He is the most supportive and loving person and altogether, we’re a little trio. Danny makes me a cup of tea (accompanied by some biscuits of course) and just knows how to make me smile. He gets it. He knows my mind plays 10 thoughts per hour and he knows how to take me away from that overdrive. Maybe I need to remember this when thinking of the above!
If you find yourself relating to any of these or you want to share your own thoughts and feelings during your maternity leave, just add a comment below. And again, I’ll say, mums and dads, you have got this!