notepad coffee and roses on table

A Letter to the Me Who Worries

A letter to yourself, some people might think that’s kinda strange. But I don’t. I’ve seen a few recently and it inspired me to create one of my very own. This is a letter to myself, the version of my that worries. Worry seems to be a thing I can’t always balance. There are times when I think, “Yes! I’m feeling so good.” Then something seems to knock it all back down. So if you’re someone like me, please read this post until the very end.

Stop being so self-critical on your appearance

The dry skin; spot; hair that really needs its highlights topping up; your weight; you’ve got a whole list haven’t you? People will tell you that you look okay. Your eyes might see something different than theirs but maybe you do look okay. Who says not looking okay means you need to have perfect skin or looking flawless day in and day out?

You feel bloated quite a lot. But don’t punish yourself by telling yourself that it’s ugly. Just because you’ve been ugly before, doesn’t mean that you are. When you do have that spare time though, take yourself to the hairdressers, a good pamper might just make you feel all the more wonderful.

Stop (or at least try) to stop the little things getting in your way

You can waste so much time battling thoughts in your head. Even when you think you’re in a place where you worry less about this, that, and everything, there’s something. At the back of your mind you feel a big anxious feeling. It’s horrible. No one else seems to get it. But you just want it to go away.

You can randomly wake up some mornings and you know it’s hit you. Try to show that feeling where to go! You’ve got to think that some of the things bothering you, wouldn’t bother others in the slightest. Be the person who carries on walking with their head up high regardless of what anyone says.

Stop getting caught up in things that don’t really matter – all of those little things that are your worries

Time after time you’ve tried to explain what’s wrong and half of the time you’ve sounded so silly. Others have been genuine. But for the other parts, you spent a lot of time wondering. A whole lot of sadness it brought you. Do you remember?

Imagine what your granny and grandad would say to you. Probably something like,

Tasha! Come on. Pull yourself together.

Well granny being the tough one that is. Grandad would tell you, just like he did, that it’s okay to feel down sometimes. But he’d hate the idea of you being down about yourself. As difficult as it might be, try to let go, and enjoy everything you have.

Start living your life your way in the happy way

See how we’ve got onto ‘start’ rather than ‘stop’? That’s because it’s time for you to start. You can carry on beating yourself up mentally. But you know just as much as others, it does no good whatsoever in several different ways. Start your day with more encouragement to yourself. Tell yourself you can do it, and if not, tell yourself you’ll learn how to and try your best.

Smile at every opportunity. Start doing your thing, rather than letting other people’s opinions, lives, and whatever get to you. Some people do this without realising. And you’ll realise that others’ lives aren’t always as perfect as they seem. There’s nothing wrong with that.

Just live. It’s what we’re all here to do. No matter how old you are, tell yourself you’ll make the most of life. And the big thing about this that others won’t see in the same way, it includes saying no. Turning something down or saying no doesn’t mean you aren’t making the most of something. It means you’re choosing what’s best for you at that given time. You’ll see a huge difference. Believe it and you’ll know what I’m talking about.

When you’re at the stage when you’re wondering what’s going on, remember why you started something. Try your best to leave those worries behind. If it’s still worth something today, keep at it. If it’s not, make a change. You’re in control. You’ve got this. And you will accomplish more than you ever imagined when you focus less on your worries.

How to Recognise Bullying in the Workplace

Sadly, bullying in the workplace is more common than you think. I hope that what I’m about to say will help someone out there who’s too afraid to speak up; to recognise what they are experiencing and remembering that it’s okay to speak to someone about it.

There comes a point where being challenged becomes something else. It tests your mental health and brings out a worry in you that you’ve never had before. You keep telling yourself it’s because you’re still new, and it will get better.

Maybe one day, the atmosphere in 1-1s and in the office will be the same.

You’ve got to remember that just because they’ve shown a nice gesture, doesn’t mean to say that they aren’t capable of bullying someone. Bullying isn’t just actions, it also words.

Being bullied before, you would think I would see the signs. I just thought that this is what real life was like. You know, starting something new, settling in to a new environment, you’re bound to feel nervous. But nerves turn into fear.

Just like I said in that previous post, I wanted to succeed and feel accomplished. But should you be put down each time you try? No you definitely shouldn’t.

For 6 months I tried and tried, to only get knocked back down again. There was some smiles on some days, but a very small amount. The last two months turned into silence where I felt drained and exhausted from feeling like I couldn’t do things right or I was constantly being patronised.

Don’t let the bullying make you think you’re weak

Such a deceitful two-faced environment. I didn’t want to become one of them. I didn’t want to be branded as part of that ‘team’. Because in actual fact it wasn’t a team. Not a full one anyway. It felt more like we were the troops, or even better, the slaves.

The amount of times I heard, “Oh Natasha will do that.” too many times without knowing how, what, why, when, where… enough was enough.

My blood pressure was sky-high, and my team leader was made fully aware. Not with the exact cause but surely it was something for them to bear in mind when I mentioned it. One day I needed an emergency dental appointment and I was being asked on the phone how I was going to make up for not being in work before I even got an appointment. So I used the remainder of my toil that was left.

My doctor warned me to take things easy. And I knew taking a couple of days of work wouldn’t be an option because the thought of the amount of work I’d have to catch up on terrified me. As a result of the worrying, my health was being damaged physically and emotionally. My migraines increased more than ever and felt like my head was going to explode. My evenings and weekends, just weren’t for ‘me’ time. It was more time for my mind to work overdrive.

There came the day where frustration grew to silence and silence turned into tears. I have never felt so low before when I had worked so hard. I had never felt so under-appreciated. And I wasn’t the only one.

Have you spoken to someone about bullying?

It was in that moment that somebody told me ‘you need to speak to someone’. Some people think the comments you make just go away once you get home but they don’t. I wasn’t able to switch off. And that’s so damaging in more ways than you can imagine.

It tests your patience with everything including the important things like relationships, getting to sleep at night, eating properly, and even the simple things like putting on that brave smile. The smile just didn’t cut it for me anymore. I wasn’t my happy usual self. I was someone who was getting frustrated at everything. It was then when I realised how important my health was in this experience.

Don’t let them brainwash you

When you finally decide to be strong and honest, don’t let them fool you. When they ask, “Oh are you just saying this because ___ said it.” No. You see, that’s where I and you are completely different. Not because of your status, or the money you earn, or your lifestyle. I’m true to myself and I am who I am.

I don’t bring up something so hurtful just to copy somebody else. The thing that’s worse is that I’m pretty sure you see what’s happening right in front of your eyes but you’re constantly trying to cover it up.

The amount of times I thought there was nice meaningful conversation, was it all just sarcasm? Like the countless amount of times (including my interview and my CV) with mentions of working at Manchester United but you never seemed to remember each and every time you would tell us you had a meeting there or some sort of thing related to work.

What’s funny is, I mentioned before and being expected to do something without knowing how so I would obviously ask. But then, there were times where I was experienced in certain areas, more than you in fact and you made me feel so little.

You can’t treat someone differently because they’re younger thank you, dress differently to you, have different interests etc. If you’re someone’s manager, then manage them. Make it a two-way street where you listen to each other and actually put methods into place. Value your employees. Don’t push all of the jobs onto one person just because you think it is okay or they need a push.

A new chapter

Since deciding that it was ‘time to start a new chapter’ it’s taken its time but it was the best thing I’ve ever done after realising how much I had learnt.

I look back and I don’t seem professionalism nor do I see a ‘team’ or rewarding workplace. I saw fear. People who were scared to speak up. People who felt like they had to be someone else.

I stood up for myself and said exactly how I felt, how I was made to feel. My role was soon coming to an end due to maternity cover and I knew that I needed the time to start a new adventure, to discover what’s really out there for me. Many judged my decision negatively. But if you even knew the half of it, you would have made an escape so much sooner than I did.

That’s it from me. No amount of words can explain how good it feels to be in the place I am today. I valued even though I am still a new member of the team. People actually get to know things about me and take interest in my work and achievements outside of work… not for anyone’s benefit but just because it’s nice.

I am also part of a much stronger work ethic where I look forward to continuing to grow and developing in everything that I do. I’m not being pushed, I’m being respected and recognised for my capabilities.

The message of the story is: bullying should not be ignored in any way whatsoever. No matter where you are or who you are, it’ll never be right.

Anxiety Shouldn’t Change Who We Are

I’ve written this post to help raise awareness of anxiety for Spink Health’s campaign. Please note, this is not a gifted or sponsored collaboration.

Anxiety hits many of us. As we are all individuals, we deal with things in our own way. But what does the term ‘anxiety’ actually mean? People can often confuse the term with ‘stress’.

Here’s how Spink describe the difference between the two:

Review of HAPS SuperFruits+ Boosters

This is a gifted post in collaboration with HAPS. HAPS SuperFruits+ boosters launched on 28 February 2017. It gives your body a lift of particular supplements that aim to affect your psychological well-being and general prosperity. The superfruits boosters’ mix was deliberately chosen by a group of dietary specialists.

More about HAPS and their superfruits boosters

HAPS enhances anybody’s general prosperity however is especially advantageous for individuals encountering low state of mind, stress, nervousness, regular full of feeling issue (SAD) or post-party blues. The main aim of HAPS is to ‘rehydrate, revitalise and improve mental wellbeing.’

The creators of HAPs recommend you to take one sachet per day, which is a serving of 9 grams. You can take HAPs when you feel like you need a boost. You simply add one sachet to 250ml of water, which can then be shaken or stirred.

The main benefits which have been taken from a HAPS press release are below:

  • Help regulate mood, appetite and sleep by naturally boosting serotonin
  • Improve your response to stress with vitamins B1, B2, B3, B5, B6, B12, C, D & Zinc
  • Support your immune system & skin health with superfruit Baobab
  • Stay alert throughout the day with sustained energy from Coconut healthy fats
  • Keep hydrated with added electrolytes to aid the flow of nutrients in the body

The founder of HAPS, Rik, tells us,

I’ve learnt so much studying the science of happiness and wellbeing.

Rik has seen the horrible effects that mental health has had on his mother, and himself after his mum having a spinal stroke, and his grandad sadly passing away. He simply wanted to take what he had learnt with science to create a product to help others feel happier.

My experience with HAPS

I contacted Rik for the opportunity to review this product as I thought it would be something that a lot of my readers would like to learn about. I see a lot of followers who suffer from mental health and you never know, a product like this could help them. Please make sure you check if you are able to consume this beforehand.


I received three sachets of HAPS, which was a generous amount to be given but the perfect amount to see whether the product had an effect on me in any kind of way. The sachets are bright yellow with the HAPS logo which immediately creates brand awareness, and bright yellow anything reminds me of the sun and happy things. There is also small print of the back of the product with ingredients and information.


Sometimes when you are using a sachet for a flavoured drink, you don’t always know what kind of scent to expect to come from it. However, with HAPS the SuperFruits booster smelt really nice. It definitely smelt fruity, and I particularly like it because I could smell a strong hint of pineapple.


With the scent being so strong, I did expect the taste to be a little bit stronger. However, it is still bearable to consume if you like the flavour. I’ve always loved pineapple so it’s a big hit when it comes to the taste for me. I also think that mango and pear taste really nice too so the combination goes well.

The ingredients are:

HAPS fruits (83%) Mango, Pear, Pineapple, Guava, Banana, Baobab (4%)
Coconut MCTs (11%), Griffonia Seed Extracts [5-HTP] (1%), Natural Flavours
Vitamin Mix [Vitamin C, Vitamin B1, Vitamin B2, Niacin (B3), Pantothenic Acid (B5)
Vitamin B6, Vitamin B12, Vitamin D, Zinc], Ionic Electrolytes (0.8%), Stevia

Overall thoughts

I was quite pleased with the product. However, I thought it would have had a bigger effect on my mood. It did help me in the mornings when I had the SuperFruits booster before the gym. I felt more active. It definitely helped me feel more motivated to run on the treadmill.

However, my emotions have been all over the place recently due to unemployment and trying to keep going. It’s having an effect on me where I don’t feel good about myself. I also tend to have nightmares frequently due to unknown reasons. And I can’t even begin to tell you how much I stress over the little things. But hey that’s another story.

HAPS SuperFruits boosters are anything but difficult to utilize and you should try it out if you are hoping to help your happiness and wellbeing.

My overall rating is 3.5 out of 5

Thank you to Rik for kindly giving me the chance to review this superfruit boosters product. Head over to the HAPS website today if you would like to hear more information about this product.

Taking Propranolol – Nightmares and Feeling Cold

Propranolol has many side effects and I think several of them apply to me. Google refers to a nightmare as a frightening or unpleasant dream. Dreams are supposed to be happy and full of colourful memories. Nightmares are the complete opposite.

Propranolol medication

Whether it’s my mind full of anxiety or the propranolol medication I am on I do not know. But I wish they would stop. There are gaps when I think, “Ah my dreams are on a roll recently!” Things that make me smile happen such as, holidays, times with family and friends, seeing granny and grandad in my sleep.

But that doesn’t seem to be for much longer. The dreams of granny and granny can continue onto other nights and become extremely upsetting where I’ll see them, run up to them, and they disappear. Or even worse, I see them actually dying. In a way, I can see a positive perspective as I never got to say a real goodbye. Perhaps, they’re there to let me have that chance. Although it can be quite unsettling.

On other occasions, I will have nightmares about my brother – something bad happening to his health or people being after him. And it’s mostly about the same brother of mine. Then on other (and most) occasions I’m being chased. Why do people want me? Why do some of them want to kill me? What are these vivid nightmares?

I just want to sleep

I have a dream catcher, I have teddies in my room, and I have my boyfriend, but unfortunately they still don’t always seem to go away.

I’ve been an anxious person in certain situations but I can happily say that I think I have a lot more control of it all now. I think my volunteering roles and current job helps as it heavily involves communicating with other people and seeing that we all start somewhere. We all make mistakes and learn from these.

For some of the many reasons that people take propranolol, my body decides to cause them for me. What a nightmare – no jokes here to the actual subject – as Google secondly refers to a nightmare as a, very unpleasant or frightening experience or prospect.

I feel cold a lot, especially my hands and feet. I tend to feel more anxious than I should in certain situations. I can get very painful pins and needles all the way through my body, even when I’m not having a migraine they can be there and the beta-blockers are fighting against one trying to approach.

That pins and needs feeling

My muscles can become weak, which has caused me to drop things before now or just feel like I’m about to flop to the ground. Also, I usually see small flashes or spots of different colours.

I’ve read some forums online about other people who take propranolol to see if it possibly the reason or if I have the fact that it’s just my weird and wonderful (sometimes terrifying mind).

In actual fact, there are many others who have had similar types of dreams to myself. Propranolol can be used for hypertension, angina, arrhythmias, the heart, anxiety, thyroid problems, and to prevent migraines. The frequency of my migraines has definitely lowered since six years ago. But now the pattern of them is pretty much the same. There are things which happen which surround the migraine without actually having the headache.

Like I’ve said before, “A migraine is not just a headache.”

I can become quite a frustrated person and I’m the type who’ll worry which doesn’t help. Subsequently, it does teach me that I need to relax and take things from wherever there are at the time…

We’ll see how that one goes. Do you take propranolol for any health reasons?