teddy bear waving

What Being a ‘Mum to Be’ Means to Me

Am I really a mum to be? Yes I am and it feels so amazing.

While this is such an exciting time in my life, I’m not ignorant towards the topic of pregnancy loss, nor have I ever been since a I was child. Some women I’m very close to, have lost a child. It’s raw but it’s real.

I know people who have miscarried at different stages of their pregnancy, or  experienced a still birth. My mum fits into both of these categories, someone who I love so much and every day I think about how strong she is. I also have friends who have health issues which causes barriers for them to be able to get pregnant. I’ll always remember them and what they’ve been/are going through.

This post hasn’t been published to disregard anyone’s feelings, it’s simply to share how my mum to be journey is going and how it feels for me. Even my mum says, “Nothing should stop me from the light that pregnancy brings to your life, especially when it’s for the first time.” She (and Danny most days pre-pregnancy) has taught me how important it is to be happy and to focus on whatever triggers. Now, my first pregnancy is something beyond that. It’s an experience which I am sure I’ll never forget and I am learning to cherish every moment.

One thing I’ve always wondered is, what it’s like when you know you have a baby inside you. How does it feel? Does it change you? There are days when I panic, others when I wonder if I have exercised enough.

Doing everything I can

Anyone who knows me, understands that I did everything in my power to put my body in it’s healthiest state when trying to get pregnant. I wanted to sort some medical bits out, speak to my doctor and gynaecology department to check if I would be putting me/baby at risk if I was to fall pregnant. They didn’t doubt me, they offered to help and support me wherever I needed it. It’s like they knew it was my time. And I wasn’t shy to share the fact that we have always known we wanted a baby. I just never knew if it could happen because we hadn’t tried before without contraception. 

My GP was in touch a lot in the first trimester to check on me, mostly due to the fact that I have chronic hypertension. But more so, because my body was about to go through some big changes and I was bound to have questions. Before seeing the midwife, I remember asking him over the phone, “Am I definitely pregnant?” And he said, “Natasha, the amount of positive tests you have, there’s your answer.” I was in some kind of disbelief that we had been given this chance, something we have always dreamed of.

Getting pregnant has always been an image in my future ever since I was younger. I remember going shopping with my mum and I would always run to the baby clothes section, that hasn’t changed to this day. I’ve never really been afraid to hold a new born baby and I have always looked into their eyes and wondered what it would be like to hold one of my own some day.

Dreams do come true

And now, the dream is coming to life. The day I seen those two pink lines then the word Pregnant on a pregnancy test, my whole world froze for the most surreal moment ever. I remember thinking, “Wow, we have made a new life. A little one to call ours.”

For days I wondered how our baby would start to grow, what they look like, is my body strong enough to take this on? Is there anything I can do more of? What shouldn’t I be doing? The list of questions went on.

As much as there are hard days and confusing times during my pregnancy journey, I never for one minute forget how blessed I am. Since I have had a visible bump, I must look in the mirror at least once a day and smile. I talk to my baby bump, I sing, and we dance together.

I want to give our baby everything and more. They will know what it’s like to be loved, cared for, and how important a family is. Just the other day, I was talking to Danny and there was a little quiz on the pregnancy app I’m using. It asked about the qualities you would like your child to have, things to understand when growing up etc. Every answer we gave was the same, and we said them simultaneously.

We are already factoring our baby’s future into everything we do. We are good at working as a team and I can’t wait until we become an extended team of 3. We are both keeping busy and I am whizzing round the house tidying and cleaning as much as I can. What’s new there? Danny is doing a lot of painting, he has the patience of a saint. I won’t lie, I only did a small amount of painting in the nursery but still, I’m in 1000% house maintaining mode and doing my usual thing. In the process of my daily routine I have started to realise how clumsy I am… or maybe just a lot more than I already was? Oh and it’s official, my name is Tasha and I’m a chocoholic!

I stared at the room once it had been painted and I choked with emotions – happiness, warmth, and excitement. What was once our little office is now a room becoming our son or daughter’s bedroom. We have a white cabinet with shelves that has some toiletry bits on, story books, Winnie the Pooh storage boxes with clothes, that kind of stuff. Sometimes, I walk into the room just to remind myself that as each day passes by, we are one step closer to meeting our baby.

Every time I see mums and dads pushing babies in their prams by the river at home, it makes me feel so happy. That’ll be us in the summer!

This is such a special journey. The next highlight will be finding out baby’s gender which will probably be the topic of my next blog post so keep a look out.

hearts on pegs line

My Love for You will Never End

When I refer to you in this post, I’m referring to Danny. 

I’ve asked the question before, “What would I do without you?” There are many things happening at the moment which send me back to asking the same question. Our lives are about to change in a big way and my body is going through changes that I haven’t experienced before. However, one thing remains, Danny is there throughout it all.

You’re always there for me no matter what

I’m a happy person but some days just like many people, I start to feel down. Sometimes I can’t even explain why. I suppose it’s normal but Danny doesn’t consider it an option. He thinks I always deserve to be happy. So, he does everything in his power to make that happen. Whether it be a hug, a smile, lying down with me holding me close, running me a bath etc. The list goes on and I am so grateful for all the gestures he gives and the time he devotes to me. No matter how his day has been, he makes us his priority.

We move forward together 

Danny and I believe in sharing, opening up to one another, and experiencing life together, that includes the good and the hard times. We fight for what we believe is for us, we save together, we do things our way, and most of all, we aspire for bigger things but believe in order to reach those goals, it’s important to work hard and be committed. And as for our relationship, being committed to each other will always be the case. I support Danny and he supports me. Without it, we wouldn’t be where we are today.

You help to make our dreams come true

A stronger love each day, the best memory lane to wander back to, a house of our own to make our home, our son or daughter to enter the world and I’m your wife to be. We always look for the best in situations. Many times we have said, “This is the best”. When the actual truth is, it’s amazing for that time and place but it only gets better. I’m always amazed by you. The patient, loving, and understanding nature you have is a kind that could never be traded. Thank you for being you and for helping to build the life we have always wanted. As for the dream trip to New York together, we will get there on our honeymoon eh?

So, what would I do without you?

That’s a question I can’t answer fully because imagining life without you isn’t something I can picture. You are there in everything I do. Behind every smile and all the little things I do, it’s you. You join in with my silly random ways, or just sit and smile and call me your weirdo. There is nothing I want more in this world than to have you and to build a family of our own.

Danny always says his world would crumble without me. The fact we feel so strongly about that shows me that nothing we have should be taken for granted. Let’s keep building our lives together. 

heart shaped hands on baby bump

My First Trimester of Pregnancy Versus the Second Trimester

Today marks 17 weeks of Baby Guy’s journey. Since the day we found out the news, our hearts have grown even stronger in love. And as the weeks go by, we are 1 week closer to meeting our little bundle of joy. Now that I am a few weeks into my second trimester, I thought it would be a good opportunity to reflect on my physical and emotional feelings throughout the first trimester in comparison to the second trimester.

A baby is growing inside of me, so I always expected tired days. However, my level of tiredness in the first trimester was on another level I hadn’t experienced before. I didn’t even have to do anything that day and I would feel drained. I wanted to go to sleep by 7.00pm or earlier most nights and that was a struggle because sometimes it meant I was neglecting the thought of eating my tea. That’s one of the many good things about Danny always looking after me though, he made sure I ate, and that’s before pregnancy. I enjoy doing things around the house such as cleaning and tidying and when I didn’t have the energy to do those, it got me down. I’m not even saying that sarcastically as a lot of people know I love to keep a house maintained. It was more than it’s part of what I genuinely love to do and it’s like a therapy for me, just like writing these blog posts.

Food was another challenge. I am the type of girl who will eat anything (well most things), I don’t see myself as a picky eater nor does Danny or my family. When that began to change during the first trimester, I didn’t know how I was going to cope. Banana milkshake? Nope, constantly thrown it right up but I could still eat bananas. I could eat sit there some nights and eat a plate of mashed potato. Sweet treats didn’t appeal to me too much even around Christmas which felt so strange. Danny did everything he could to find foods I could eat and find appetising. Some days this meant putting random combination of foods together to make sure I ate. I still made sure I was ate fruit, vegetables and all things with those important vitamins needed to keep me and the baby healthy.

Then the second trimester began

As the second trimester crept in, my love for food returned, along with a boost in energy levels. I am back whizzing around the house with the hoover and back into my cleaning routine. And I am still enjoying my walks along the river and in the park. Around week 12-13, I finally got round to thinking, “Maybe… I could try some spaghetti bolognese!” as the thought of eating beef mince meat beforehand made me feel sick. Everything about it, the look, texture and just the thought in general. It’s safe to say, I tried it and it went down nicely. Eating is much easier when the sickness goes. I’ve managed to demolish a lovely roast dinner or two. I also want chocolate now and that includes chocolate cereals, chocolate spread on pancakes, and chocolate milkshakes. I worried when I had a dentist appointment that the dentist would shout at me but he said everything looks good so now I can continue to enjoy these chocolate goodies, right?

It’s funny how your mind turns on you during pregnancy. Talking of emotions, even though deep down I am happy, more than happy actually that I’m carrying our first child, I’ve had a couple short periods of time when I’ve wanted to cry as I became anxious about handling all of the new things I’ll be taking on. Other days, I just feel, how do I put it? Bothered? Maybe that’s not the right word but I feel annoyed by little things and just don’t have it in me to say or do certain things. It’s like I want to isolate myself away. Then Danny, just as he always does, wants to make everything better. He might not always see it but I know how much he cares, he always has my back and comforts me the best he can.

When will we see baby again?

Now, although things have improved physically and mentally on the whole. I am becoming quite impatient to find out the gender of the baby and to see them again to check everything’s okay. We are slowly creeping towards the ‘3 weeks to go’ marks. 

Here’s to seeing you again Baby Guy, you keep mummy and daddy’s hearts filled with more love and happiness every day.

If you are 17 weeks pregnant, visit the NHS website for information and advice: https://www.nhs.uk/start4life/pregnancy/week-by-week/2nd-trimester/week-17/#anchor-tabs

My First Pregnancy

This is my first pregnancy. I have a little human growing inside me and I’m thinking of how blessed we are. Our own baby, our child, our perfect everything. This is one special stage in our lives that we have always dreamed of.

Those feelings for the first time

I have been amazed by every moment so far, even those strong hormones taking over and changing my body in more ways than I could ever have imagined. The sickness part, obviously wasn’t fun but it reminded me that our beautiful baby boy or girl are inside and those hormones are well and truly doing their thing.

Thinking about my mum

All my life I have looked at mum and wondered how she stays so strong? A woman who has lost children but also brought 3 (me and my two big brothers) into the world. She wants nothing but love and happiness for us. To say she has been through challenging times doesn’t even cut it but through it all, she has been a mum, and has always been there.

My mum reminds me how precious the relationship is between a mother and her children, especially as I have gotten older. She makes me think of the love she had for granny (her mum).

My mum’s morning messages are everything. When we can’t see each other at the moment, those rows of emojis she adds to her texts make me smile. She knows how to send voice notes now too so we always have a little laugh, if not with those, over the phone to catch up.

Thoughts and feelings around my pregnancy 

Questions run through my mind, how will I do this or that? But the truth is, no one ever truly knows what they are doing. I believe it all comes to you naturally and we all have our own ways. No doubt I’ll need to have more patience than ever and I might be a little sleep deprived from time to time. That’s something you hear when you announce your pregnant from quite a few people. Does that really matter though? We are bringing a new life into the world. A gentle, miraculous, little one. Now, THAT, is worth everything.

I love seeing my belly grow and I felt little flutters quite early on. The stretches are incredible, although sometimes I’m looking for ways to soothe the aches. As long as our baby continues to grow and stays healthy, that’s all that matters.

One thing I have learnt is to embrace being pregnant, especially after that first trimester when your emotions and the “Am I feeling okay today?” question travels through your mind. It really is an up and down rollercoaster. But now, I want to shine and take away any worry. I want to smile every day and keep looking after our baby, keeping them warm and snug.

I’m so glad I have you

Throughout all of the new things I’m experiencing, there’s no one other than my Danny that I would want by my side. The most understanding (even when I’m speaking in true Tasha language) man there is. His level of care and love he has is endless. And he wants nothing but the best for me and our baby. Truth is, we already got it because we have him.

If you have any comments you would like to share as a first time mum, please add them below. You’ve got this!