young man walking over the bridge

You Shouldn’t Hold Your Feelings Inside

Why do so many of us hold our feelings inside? A lot of people think we feel with our hearts and think with our minds which is true for the most part. But what about when you let your mind control how you feel? We are so quick to judge someone before we know what they are going through – perhaps they don’t ever tell you. Is this why we can refuse to open up about our own feelings?

I think we need a world with more empathy. People should be able to speak up about what they’re experiencing with the thought of them not having it has hard as somebody else. We all suffer in some kind of way at least once in our life whether it be grief, relationships, battling your own mind just to name a few.

So why shouldn’t you hold your feelings inside?

When you think about how of us are on the planet, don’t you think it’s shame we live in a world where people can’t open up, to share experiences, understand each other, and most of all to try and help each other or be there for one another?

When I cry, there’s only a handful of people that know what to do. Most expect me to be smiley all the time because I don’t overly share what’s going on, only when it gets tough. And for me that’s works. For others too, privacy is important and only letting people in when they let you in, works fair in my eyes. But it’s so important that when someone is there for you 1000% not to shut them out. Especially when they’re always making an effort with you. Otherwise you’ll only end up pushing them away and loneliness is the last thing you want.

No matter how perfect you might think someone’s got it, the likeliness is that, they will continue to be there for you. They might have or might not have experienced the same thing. But it doesn’t mean they can’t listen. If something is dragging you down more than it ever has before or more than it should, speak to someone. Whoever that person might be – your friend, parent, grandparent, work colleague, doctor, counsellor – talk to them.

You’ll be surprised how often people underestimate the power of a small chat. It’s not supposed to ‘fix’ things magically but it helps. If gives you a sense of acceptance and gives you an insight that you never seen before to deal with the pain you’re feeling.

You, me, the queen, celebrities, all of us, are human.

Listening to someone is one of the kindest things you can do. And for people on the other side, don’t sit there and think, “They don’t want to or won’t listen to this.” There are people in the world with a heart you know. When they realise that you’ve been battling your own thoughts so much is something that would probably hurt them too.

The reality is some days/weeks/months/years will be tougher than others. When you lose someone close to you, the healing process isn’t something that can be measured for each person. We’re all different and cope in our own ways. Memories are so precious. Always hold onto them.

The other day I visited my granny and grandad at the cemetery and I cried for the first time in years. Getting older can make you stronger, it doesn’t mean to say that because you cry you’re weak. Others might ask themselves why I cried when it’s been over 17 years for one of them. That’s because your heart never lets go of love. I wouldn’t just shut off my feelings towards them because they’re not here, it’s not how life works. I like to know that I can talk about them any time I want with my boyfriend and talk about memories with mum, dad and my brothers.

There will be times when everything will get on top of each other

When a certain amount of time passes by you’ve started to learn how to deal with a situation… then life happens. Since my uncle passed away this year I’ve realised that losing another family member doesn’t make it easier. You still grieve. You’ll cry when you don’t want to. But you soon realise that it’s okay and that you shouldn’t apologise when these things happen in front of people. If we held those feelings inside we would have an outburst one day and it’s a whole lot healthier to let your tears out.

If you’re someone who is going through some stuff right now that doesn’t seem ‘serious enough’ to talk about, if it’s getting you down then it’s important. Don’t think you’re going to be a burden to someone. Open up to someone and you might just see a new perspective.

girl looking out to the sea during sunset

The Idea of Perfection

Perfection doesn’t exist? Of course it does – we live in a world where there’s crisps, chocolate fudge cake and pizza! That sounds pretty perfect to me. But now, to more serious talk, the idea of perfection in ourselves.

Some of us are happy with the bodies we are in, some aren’t.

Many of us feel the need to wear makeup to cover up, to wear certain clothes to hide our imperfections etc. I’ll admit that I’m guilty of this. Spots, dry skin, bad hair day – you name it. But when anyone else experiences either of those things I honestly think they look fine.

In the gym, do I see sweaty red-faced girls? Nope, unless you rephrase that to girl (myself). I see girls who look amazing considering they’ve just completed a fitness workout. Then there’s that girl over there (me) who’s dying for a bottle of water and to get home quick before someone sees me looking the way I do. Stupid, right? But it’s true.

I have come to the terms with the fact that no matter how perfect you might think someone looks, they don’t live for their ‘perfect appearance’ as much as it might be perceived on the outside. They’re just doing their thing. For some it’s lots of makeup, for others its au natural.

Let’s take work as another example. I wear bare to little makeup – lucky if I put mascara on now and again. I used to love wearing eyeshadow and mascara. But now, when I wear it occasionally, it makes me feel more towards some kind of beautiful. And it makes me feel good about myself.

Don’t let the bullies who called you ugly in high school make you think you’re ugly. Don’t allow the girls who told you that you hadn’t had enough boyfriends make you feel unattractive. Most of all, stop seeking for a more ‘perfect’ you.  There’s this idea that someone is ‘prettier’ than another. Embrace your beauty; don’t spend time trying to mimic someone else. I’ve already spoke about how social media affects how you feel and look.

Personality reveals all

There’s no one better than the person who you are deep inside. Personalities have so much power but the first thing you probably judge from someone is how they look. You haven’t had a conversation with them so appearance is the first thing you see.

A quick chat can reveal so much. The ‘prettiest person in the room’ could be feeling the lowest and steer away from conversation. Yet, the person who you haven’t paid much attention to could be one of the sweetest and bubbliest people you will ever meet. I like the quote “don’t judge a book by its cover”. I can’t reiterate enough how there’s always more to a person that what meets the eye. Yet people are so quick to judge.

Regardless of what someone looks like or if they seem more powerful, whether it be achievements, possessions etc. be kind. Everybody’s idea of perfection is different. And attributes of happiness vary from one person to another.

I have days where I feel so low about myself. Someone can take a look at me and not understand what reason I have to be down. They see a smiley person that’s always so positive. I see a girl who just wants to look and be better. But to be honest, in more recent months that feeling is starting to fade (I think and hope). I’m learning to embrace every single piece of me that makes me who I am, flaws and all.

You and I are here to be happy, not to be perfect.

a true love story never ends

Our Never Ending Love Story

Nowadays, people class their anniversary as different things stemming from first time they met, to their first kiss or their first date. Not everyone refers to the day one of you said ‘yes’ to being your boyfriend’s/girlfriend’s significant other.

How did we meet?

This is a question that the both of us never really know how to answer; unless people are prepared to hear the long version. There’s much more to mine and Danny’s relationship than meets the eye. I’m afraid there’s so short side so this post does give the long version.

We went to the same primary school but we didn’t fall in love then, that would’ve been cute though. Being one year above me at school wasn’t the only thing that made me feel as though he was some kind of superior to me…

High school is something we didn’t share. But the end of my high school journey is when I remember being brought together. Our primary school was due to be taken down and that’s where we met on 4th July 2010 – easy to remember because it’s Independence Day in America. To be honest, even if it wasn’t I’d still remember.

After chatting about college, as Danny had already experienced his first year there, I noticed the high level of intelligence he had. So much so, I was nervous at the thought I’d be studying maths and bumping into him.

Chatting away is something that’s always come so easily to the both of us.

And in fact, it’s what made our friendship so strong. From the silly conversations e.g. texting, commenting on social media to face-to-face talk during nights out a couple of years later, our friendship was always there.

So why was it before those couple of years later, when we would cross each other in the same hallway on many occasions at college and not know what to do but smile? Sounds daft asking myself that question now because I really should have known. It clearly wasn’t a joke when someone made a comment saying, “Danny likes you.”

I think it shows that we had something to hold onto when we both came back into each other’s lives. Nothing was planned. To this day, I believe we were supposed to find each other.

Again, we had many chats through text which led to my surprise that he was coming on the same night out (we had the same friendship group). We had so many laughs where nobody would understand what was so funny half of the time. Even on separate nights out we would see each other and he always gave me the biggest hugs. People thought we were together.

Some months later, a simple “I miss you” message I sent to him gave me the biggest kick of reality.

Something was happening. When I look back I see so many amazing memories. From Danny’s first kiss attempt to our real first kiss (after a long heart-to-heart) there was a look and he made me see the bigger perspective.

I mean, a couple of months before this he lifted me over puddles in the rain. Surely I should’ve kissed him then? But no, our friendship was too much to think that something could take it away (something being me not being what he’ll be able to put up with!) Everything has its time and place though. And we always found ours.

He never stopped showing me how serious he was. A number of dates later and an even higher number of asking me to be his girlfriend… I said yes. I just had to be brave, you know?

Nothing worth fighting for should be easy every single day. Whenever battles come our way we face them together. Because if you don’t have together, what is a relationship?

And here’s the now… Danny has always invested so much time in getting to know me on a personal level.

When I feel ugly, he has the ability to make me feel like the most beautiful woman in the room. And even when I get things wrong, he still encourages me to be the best I can be.

We have experienced so much together – the ordinary and the extraordinary. Becoming home owners is one of our biggest dreams come true. Having spent these years and each day forward together is something I never thought I’d experience.

There’s no one that can make me feel more like myself than Danny does. He’s got the most amazing heart and I’m incredibly lucky to call him mine.

Who has always had your heart?

nakin skincare face serum and eye cream with information leaflet

Improve Your Skincare Routine with Nakin Skincare

This is a gifted post – items sent from Nakin Skincare. The results of the review are based on a 2-week period.

Improving your skincare routine

A skincare routine is something that I have taken more seriously this year. As someone with dry skin, I’ve learnt how important and healthy it is to keep your skin hydrated and keeping it moisturised. I’m definitely drinking more water which is good and I’ve also been looking into more beauty products to try.

Nakin Skincare care about ‘beautiful skin at every age’ and that’s exactly I chose to collaborate with them (thank you to the lovely Cris, founder of Nakin Skincare). I hadn’t heard about this British brand before so browsing their website I could see the wide range of products  they had to offer.

Now you might think for a 25-year-old woman, I don’t need any anti ageing skincare products. But they are actually really worthwhile, especially the natural anti ageing face serum and eye cream gifted from Nakin Skincare.

nakin face serum and eye cream

Nakin Natural Anti-Ageing Performance Face Serum

The anti-ageing face serum comes in a nice bottle. It’s easy to use, isn’t clumpy and doesn’t release too much at once. It makes your face feel really smooth and gives you the healthy glow that your facial skin is in desperate need of. After its 2 weeks of use there’s still plenty left.

Nakin Natural Anti-Ageing Eye Cream Complex

I have a bit of eczema on my right eye lid so I was a bit weary of using the eye cream. However, it didn’t have any bad skin reactions whatsoever. In fact, it soothed the dry skin a little and didn’t iterate my skin when applying it. After using the Nakin anti-ageing eye cream, my skin felt much tighter under my eyes and I looked more refreshed but the bags under my eyes almost being undiscoverable.

Overall thoughts

Both products were really beneficial for my skincare routine. The service from Nakin Skincare is really friendly and professional. The packaging was simple but I recommend them for their fast delivery service and quality of the products.

In the future I’d love to try their lip treatment balm as it’s something I usually swear by in the winter months – I always have a lip balm stored away in my handbag! What are your go-to products for your daily skincare routine?

Visit the Nakin Skincare to browse their range of products and learn more about them via: www.nakinskincare.com

close up of 3 dumbbells

Living in the World of Fitness and Exercise

The other day I was running on the treadmill and an idea came to mind for a new topic on the blog, that being, the world of fitness and exercise. There are many reasons why exercise is good for you including a boost in feel-good moods and making you stronger. I don’t mean that it’ll turn you into Mr Muscle man, I mean it could do if that’s what you’re going for… but it helps to keep the strength up in different parts of your body.

Loving your own body is hard, isn’t it? Well it sure is for me and there’s no doubt that you haven’t found at least one flaw with your body. On the fitness side of things is where it can get dangerous. You can damage your mind comparing your weight, capabilities and energy to others. The truth is, some people can run faster than others; swim lengths quicker than others, lift heavier weights than others etc.

Now I’m no fitness guru but I do know that it should be enjoyable. Once you see things from that perspective, it really does help. You live in your body every single day of your life, you shouldn’t be so harsh on something that helps you to develop and grow, mentally and physically.

My fear of going back to the gym since my teenage years was known very well by Danny. I would constantly say, “but they’ve got toned stomachs, they can go into the gym but no fear about who they see and what they can do in front of anyone…” I used to be with weighing myself every week. If I didn’t have a £1 coin on me, I’d ask Danny and he would say no straight away because I seen what I doing to myself.

I’m not overweight (and wasn’t then) nor am I underweight. I’m actually in the ‘ideal’ weight category. But I mean, shouldn’t ideal be what we’re comfortable with? Of course, if exercise and diet tips have been advised on a health level by your GP, nurse etc. then that’s different but I’m talking about loving your body for what it is including those flaws you see, no matter how they may or may not appear to others.

I can’t emphasise enough how your body is YOURS. There’s so much influence online, some good, some bad. You don’t have to be like anyone but you. I slack with the gym from time-to-time; eat those snacks that aren’t ‘good for you’ sometimes. But guess what? Both of those things are good for me. Sometimes it’s nice to take a step away and be in little piggy mode as I like to call it.

It’s amazing when you do the simplest thing and that’s doing what makes you happy. Sometimes it’s nice to push limits like training for a run if that’s your thing. It could be anything such as lowering the weight of an applicator but increasing the number of sets.

In school, I enjoyed running, it wasn’t my favourite thing. I was more of a rounders, circuit, a bundle of activities kinda girl. I was chosen for the relay in high school on sports day and I used to love it. Cross country was a thing that everyone used to hate (usually a punishment if someone complained about a sport or forgot their kit) but again I didn’t mind it.

Back in 2017 I completed my first 10k run with Danny. It wasn’t about being the fastest, it was about finishing the run for our grandparents and the charities we had chosen in memory of them. It did take a lot of training. We surprised ourselves yet again at Race for Life where we beat our goal by 5 minutes. A little encouragement from each other was all we needed.

The main point I’m trying to get across is start doing what you’re comfortable with. One day you might want to try something new and push yourself further but it’s okay if not. Keeping fit and exercising should and can be enjoyable.

I hope you’re going to come away from reading this post and look at your body in a more positive way.

birthday cake with candle and flower at the side

The First Birthday That You’re Not Here

As soon as uncle Dom’s funeral was over, I knew that I had to face Race for Life in memory of him, but I also knew that it wouldn’t end there because another date was coming up… it’s his birthday today.

Usually I would be getting ready to head up to his and auntie Linda’s house. But today I’m sat at home doing, well, nothing much to be honest. Uncle Dom always knew how to party and celebrating his birthday was one of the best type of parties he did ever throw, with the efforts from auntie Linda of course.

I always thought he would make the race and he would stay for his birthday but time just wasn’t on his side. Who’s going to dance those cowboy moves? Who’s going to gather the family spirit? I’m sure the house, on today especially, is very quiet without you. But auntie Linda can that time to think about all of your birthdays that the two of you spent together and smile.

One minute it’s grandad’s birthday, 4 days later it’s granny’s then 10 days later, here we are, on your birthday. Maybe you’re all up there together having a joint birthday party? I hope you’re celebrating in uncle Dom style.

I’m sending you a big hug from me and Danny, just like we always gave you when leaving your house after a visit and again when you were in hospital. Your card is here. You know how organised I am – I bought it back in June not long before you passed away.  So maybe this blog post can be my birthday card to you? Perhaps, even a little chat, with you on the listening end. After all, you did wish me a happy birthday twice this year.

Regardless of any little debates you had, you would always make me feel special. I’m no model but you always said I was. Whenever I had news about work or the house, you always encouraged me to go for whatever I wanted to. That’s something I’ll never forget about you.

I hope there is a way that we can communicate. Maybe the next time I look up for granny and grandad twinkling in the sky, I’ll see an extra star and think of you.

Cheers uncle Dom, *raising a pint* here’s to you.


Remember, grief affects us all in different ways. If you’re struggling to cope, take a look at the Macmillan Cancer Support page for guidance.