When you become a new parent, a lot of the focus is on how mum is feeling. I get it because there’s the whole pregnancy journey, birth, sleep changes, crying, mood changes, wanting to do better etc. But not as many people think about dad. This is why I’m going to share some thoughts that have been on my mind recently. This is from my experience.
Our son has both of his parents happily living together as a family unit. His ‘parents’ are me (mum) and Danny (dad). We’re both responsible for him. The two of us give our son lots of love, playtime, feeds (formula fed), and the comfort that he needs. Some people say I’m lucky because Danny is ‘so involved’ and knows about things like nappy sizes, the number of ounces of milk, general health, milestones of baby etc. That’s how it should be though and it needs to be normalised. Yes, I am incredibly lucky but we both have a son who deserves all of the care and cuddles in the world so that’s what he gets.
Since the day I found out I was pregnant, it wasn’t just my mum instincts that kicked in. Danny also thought about what he could do to look after me and bump the best way possible. There were a few hospital trips along the way when he didn’t hesitate to take me there as soon as he could. He would drop everything in a heartbeat if it meant my or his son’s health was affected. And he is the same today.
Danny was my birthing partner. He sat behind me during labour when I was on an exercise ball. My waters broke, he heard me scream from pain, I cried, and he stayed. He held the gas and air mask for me and told me I was doing great. He seen it all but he didn’t step back or love me any less. Even though most of our time now goes to our baby boy, just as it should, we still make time for each other even if it’s just the little moments here and there. He runs me a bath, makes me a cup of tea, take it in turns to make tea, tells me to nap (you know those ’20 minutes’ ones that can turn into a few hours?!
Danny understands that us mamas need some ‘me time’ and it’s important for him to have his time too. It goes without saying though, our baby comes first and always will. There are a lot of adjustments and I think we help each other to adapt to each and every new one as we’re experiencing parenthood together. We try our best to notice when one of us is drained or feeling low and give each other time – and sometimes it means doing nothing better than absolutely nothing at all.
As a new dad, Danny hasn’t only took on the new role of a parent, he has supported me through a whole lot. I’m not going to go into detail because it’ll probably give me more anxiety than I have already without wondering what people think if I write it on here. He has had stressful days at work, our family car stolen in the last few weeks but nothing, ever comes before his family. As soon as he gets home, he smiles. The look on his face when Freddy notices he’s home is so heartwarming and Danny always asks how my day has been (and digs a little deeper if I’m not saying much).
Danny continues to motivate me. We’re back at the gym together and he compliments me every day even when I feel like none of those the things he says. If I cry, he tries to understand, always hugs me and finds a way to help.
If you’re thinking about first time mums, mums to be or mums who have been in this for a while now, remember the amazing dads out there too. There are a lot of changes that both parents can face for the first time.
Photo credit: Andreas Wohlfahrt on pexels.com