Feeling down is the worst. I hate my skin. I hate my feet. I wish my legs were longer. I wish I suited that kind of clothing. Sometimes I look worse when I’ve made more of an effort. Why can’t I look like that? Why do I feel down?
I’m one of those girls who doesn’t do the glamorous look when going to the gym. Well, many girls don’t but some just look effortlessly attractive before and after their workouts. I envy those girls who don’t go red-faced or sweat like a pig. Being makeup-less should be the comfortable version of you because it’s the most natural you.
Being able to do your own thing should be okay because we all have our own pace and skills in different areas. Sometimes though I feel weak in many areas. But then I think it’s okay.
I’m me and you’re you. It doesn’t really matter.
I’m a young woman but sometimes I still want to be the younger girl inside me. Some people have a bedroom full of make-up on their dressing tables and all grown up soft furnishings. Me, I have a room full of teddies, Disney merchandise, but the most favourite thing amongst it all, photos of family and friends.
I can be the kind of girl who puts a picture up of myself on social media then weeks/months/how ever long later, delete it, because I find a flaw in it. I try to take the positives from many things and think ‘memories’ but if it’s just a general photo then it doesn’t seem to matter (as in one of myself).
Sometimes I’m the girl in the room who feels out of conversation and can’t relate to certain things. I fade into the background and have to remind myself that I’m actually there.
I’ve foolishly tried to give certain impressions when I should have just been myself.
The same goes for maybe wishing I could have sat back and watched things happen but when you can’t handle it, it gives you one of the most frustrating and upsetting feelings in the world. Especially when others are blind to it.
There are times when I wish for my granny and grandad to be here. I love my parents and my family but sometimes you just want those other people in your life who help in a different way. It’s not about knowing the right thing to say, it’s about reacting in a supportive way and just being who they are.
Sometimes I feel all bloated and look at girls in crop tops and feel like a right marshmallow! The feeling is just so real.
Where’s the girl who used to feel so much more comfortable in herself? I feel like the younger version of me looked older at times and more confident. I don’t know eh!
I felt rubbish about myself for thinking I’m the same as someone else. It’s mad how one minute you’ve thought if I’m this or that, I might look better and blah-blah then the next you’re wishing you hadn’t done something because it makes you look like someone else, in a bad way. Why do some of punish ourselves so much?
Now it’s time to say, I am proud of myself, I am worth someone, it I don’t give a damn about what anyone has to say who’s going to try to put me down. Intentionally or unintentionally, I am going to enjoy life. Goodbye silly thoughts… please stay away for a long time! Wishful thinking, right?
A little message to myself and to anyone else out there who can relate: it’s all up to you now, put those thoughts aside, smile, be happy, and be you.
The point of this blog is, you never know how someone really feels about themselves. There could be tonnes of things they dislike about themselves but there’s nothing with loving many things about themselves.
There’s ALWAYS something that makes you so much more than what you consider your worth to be. As M People say, ‘…search for the hero inside yourself.’
You’ve got this.